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Feedback Q&A on Communication

by Ron Kurtus

Readers have sent in a total of 32 comments and questions on Communication issues. They are listed according to date.

You can read them to further your understanding of the subject.

List of next 10 letters




Basics How can I improve my communication skills? INDIA
Reading Eyes Co-worker always flutters her eyes when talking USA
General Others having fun but I'm just sitting around Australia
Reading Eyes Is eye direction different for left-handed people? USA
Dogs vs Chimps Would children do better than Chimpanzees or Dogs? USA
General What is meant by "incommunicado"? India
General People call me stupid when I talk United Arab Emirates
General Froze up when speaking to a guy in class USA
General Don't know how talk to my partner USA
Reading Eyes Term for reading eyes USA

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First 10 letters

How can I improve my communication skills?

Topic: Basics


January 22, 2007

how i can improve communication skills
how i can become effective speaker
tell me

dharmendra - INDIA



First part of communication is being able to listen effectively. Not only must you be able to understand what the person is saying, but you also need to read the person's emotions and find out his interests. In this way, when you do say things, you will know what to say that will make the person interested in you.

A problem in communications is that many people start talking before they know if the other person is interested. They are very anxious to tell about themselves. I am sure you have friends that will immediately start talking about themselves, whether or not you are interested.

One good way to become a more effective speaker is to get involved with Toastmasters. To find a club in your area, check:

If you are able to attend a meeting, you will find it very worthwhile.

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Co-worker always flutters her eyes when talking

Topic: Reading Eyes


September 17, 2006

I have a co-worker who when talking to her will always flutters her eyes first, then completly close her eyes (this is when she is talking to you, as opoosed to being talked to). What does this mean?

kathie - USA



People who do that are often very nervous or anxious when talking to other people. She may be trying too hard to impress others or worried that she isn't saying the right thing.

It could also be a habit or a cultural thing. In some cultures, people look down or away when talking to others.

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Others having fun but I'm just sitting around

Topic: General


August 28, 2006

I have no confidence what so ever and I am only able to talk to one of my friends. I tried building up my confidence and I try talking but I get no where and of course that puts me down even more, so much that I'm becoming depressed.

The more I'm with my friends and don't know what to say it makes it sooooooo much worse. I'm known as the person who doesn't talk, my friends are out there having lots of fun and im sitting there watching them because I don't know what to do or say and when my friend tries to include me I always ruin every chance I get.

Any advice you could give me would help so much because at the moment I'm doing everything possible to avoid my friends at recess and lunch which is terrible, they're my friends and I can't even talk to them about everyday things.

- Australia



The problem isn't so much of lack of confidence as it is in being able to converse effectively with other people. Plus, the more you try, the worst it seems to get.

Take a step back to regroup.

First of all, consider your friends. What do you know about them? What are the things they like? What type of music do they like? What do they like to do for fun? You have to observe other people to know what interests them. Then causally ask a question about something they are interested in. The more you know about their interest, the easier it is to talk about it with them.

Your goal is not to lead the conversation, but to try to get the other person talking about his or her interest. Like if a friend is interested in soccer, you might study up on it and then ask him, "What did you think about the game yesterday?" This is an opener for a conversation.

The more things you are knowledgeable about, the more people you can talk to. Again, your goal is not to show off what you know, but to get the other person talking about his or her interest. You will be surprised to see how well this works.

Also, when you're not worried about saying something clever, you relax more and can then join in on the fun.

I hope these ideas help you to be able to join in.

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Is eye direction different for left-handed people?

Topic: Reading Eyes


March 14, 2006

What about someone left handed when it comes to which way the eyes move? Clarifing... if person looks to MY left what does it mean, MY right? Is it different for left handed people?




A person will usually look to his or her left when trying to remember things. Some do it to the right, but it doesn't seem to be related to whether they are left or right-handed.

Observing eye movement when you talk to various people will make you more aware of what they are thinking. Note that good movie and TV actors will have appropriate eye movement when they are thinking. Even some cartoon characters do it.

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Would children do better than Chimpanzees or Dogs?

Topic: Dogs vs Chimps


January 23, 2006

HI I would just like to comment that as a science fair project I have done an experiment titled "Do dogs respond to Human Gestures?"
I am doing it again this year and I came across your website. Also I noticed that I did the experiment almost exactly the way you did, but I had no chimpanzees to work with just to dogs. But instead I tested it by putting the dog through gestured trials and throught non-gestured trials. proving that they respond to human gesture.

I have read another article that had children as a variable to this experiment. Do you think children would do better than Chimpanzees or Dogs?

Miller - USA



I believe that dogs have an intelligence level of between a 2 and 4-year old human. You could try a simple experiment with some young children to see if they would look in the direction that you pointed. I'm not sure at what age kids start to learn to respond to gestures, but I'm sure it is pretty young.

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What is meant by "incommunicado"?

Topic: General


January 23, 2006

What is meant by "incommunicado"?. Please give me a detailed explanation.

vivek - India



Incommunicado means without the means or right to communicate. For example a prisoner could be held incommunicado or without the right to communicate with anyone.

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People call me stupid when I talk

Topic: General


December 14, 2005

i have something problem in my communicating in other poeple
i feel a shame when they talk at me ...
i dont know whats the problem with my character

id been confused by my self and its not easy for me to improve my self
because...they said that i am stupid but i dont believe that i am what
they expected ....

but i did not give up yeah i accept what i am today .. but i believe for tommorow ...

i dont know how to improve my self its a big big question ....for me its defficult
to understand whats is they called the real life between the other people
that they know already ur behioral status ....
just help me how to improve my self ......

fitchpatrick - United Arab Emirates



Consider the wise man. He does not talk much and try to show how smart he is. Rather, he asks questions and listens. But this takes much discipline and is really more difficult than telling others what comes into your mind.

Some people have strong voices and are able to speak so others will listen. But most of us are not like that, so it is necessary to improve the way we communicate with others.

You have an advantage on the others that you try to talk to, because you are trying to improve yourself. Unfortunately, they may never accept the new you, but others will come to respect you.

Work on listening, be careful with your word, and try to make sure they understand what you are saying. If the words aren't right, the other person may not understand.

I am sure you will succeed and improve. See some of our other articles in our site that will help you become a champion.

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Froze up when speaking to a guy in class

Topic: General


September 30, 2005

Hi, imma a college student
well this is my first year, in high school i was extremely shy and quiet. well im sorta of that way, but after taking a public speaking class, i actually started liking to share my ideas in front of the class. well last year there was this one guy i was interested in and everytime he got close i got extremely nervouse, my heart started racing, i felt hot in the face, and almost like i wanted to hide ? Once he spoke to me, and i was soo nervouse i just walked by, wasnt be rude i just was scared . Why i dont know. why does this happen? well im more comfortable with myself, but i just dont know how to make conversations because i want to get to know a lot of ppl. but dont know where to start, and im afraid if i just walk up and say hi. they'll think im crazy. also another thing is that im very soft spoken and teachers and family are always telling me to speak up. How do I solve these problems?

Brittney - USA



It is a strange phenomenon where people can be confident in front of a group but yet get nervous when dealing with certain people on a personal level. You are not alone, because a number of movie and TV stars suffer from the same problem. Some people are confident until they must speak with their boss at work, and then they stutter and stammer.

You've overcome the fear of speaking to a group, and now you need to apply that to speaking to special people. The way to do that is to first be able to strike up a conversation with other people. Observe to get an idea of what the person is interested in. Then say something of common interest. Often asking for information or help is a good ice-breaker.

You can't just walk up to someone and say, "Hi," because you need something else to say and a reason for talking. You might say, "Hi. Weren't you in my speech class last semester?" or "Say, could I borrow a pencil?" or "How did you do on that test?"

Once you get past the first question, think of something to ask about the other person's interest. Your goal is to make him to start talking about his interests. That also takes a lot of the burden off of you.

But I know how you feel. It is really tough to go up to someone of interest and even say a few words. Your heart is beating so fast and loud that it is tough to talk. But if you are asking for information or such, it is not like it is a big thing, so there is not the pressure.

In any conversation, try to get the other person to talk about him- or herself. People like to do that. And a shy person usually does not like to talk about herself unless she really knows the person. That will come later.

Also, concerning speaking so softly in class: remind yourself to open your mouth and speak clearly. That will improve your volume without any effort. You want people to understand you.

I hope these ideas help and you will have confidence in speaking to this guy and to many others.

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Don't know how talk to my partner

Topic: General


May 13, 2005

please i don't know how talk to my partner pls help me

ann - USA



The biggest part of communcating is listening and observing. When your partner speaks, listen and pay attention to what is said, as well as to watch for body language and emotions. Then when you answer, you can speak on the same subject with rapport. This will help you get in tune and be able to tell the things you want to say, provided your partner is also willing to listen.

Note that it takes practice and patience, but it is worth the effort to concentrate on the listening part before the talking part.

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Term for reading eyes

Topic: Reading Eyes


May 1, 2005

I have heard of this theory before and I am almost sure it had a name. I just cannot recall what it was. This is very interesting to me. Could you please name this theory for me? Thanks you.

Allison - USA



It is also called "accessing cues" but I am also sure there is a more technical term for the process. Unfortunately, I don't have the term available.

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