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Feedback Q&A on Excellence

by Ron Kurtus

Readers have sent in a total of 206 comments and questions on Excellence issues. They are listed according to date.

You can read them to further your understanding of the subject.



List of next 10 letters

Topic

Title

Country

Confidence How do I gain confidence in a fight? USA
 
Confidence WBT I don't know what my skills are Germany
 
Confidence I am shy and worried about my dark complexion India
 
Confidence Gets negative feelings before an interview India
 
Confidence Nervous about interview for promotion UK
 
Confidence Step-sister always put him down USA
 
Confidence WBT Engineering student afraid to speak to group India
 
Confidence I'm not good at anything but want to be a success UK
 
Dealing with Problems Mother broke promise about having a party USA
 
Confidence Losing confidence because guys at work discourage me SOUTH AFRICA
 

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First 10 letters


How do I gain confidence in a fight?

Topic: Confidence

Question

February 9, 2007

i would like to gain confidence in my self in a fight , that i can win a fight and not back off and feel like i'm weak and lose respect for my self

Hamzeh - USA

13107

Answer

A person who has been in a number of fights and has won will usually have confidence in his next fight. Likewise, someone who has studied martial arts will be confident in a fight.

But the big question is: why fight in the first place? If there is an argument, the best route is to seek a compromise. Perhaps there is a misunderstanding. It takes a smarter person to negotiate an argument and avoid a fight, even if he has to give in on some points.

But still, there are people who are just looking for a fight. They like to fight and know they are good at it. They like to pick on others to make them feel small and weak. Sometimes, you are smarter to avoid the fight and let the other person think you are weak. Perhaps you can get your day with the person under other circumstances.

Also, you need to be careful about who you are fighting with. These days, if you win a fight, the person may come back with a gun to try to get revenge. Who wants to get involved with something like that?

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I don't know what my skills are

Topic: Confidence WBT

Question

January 31, 2007

HI, thx for the information.
I lack confidence. I dont know what my skills are. Thats why i lack confidence i think.How do i find out what my skills are?
c-ya

Aron - Germany

13020

Answer

The first place to look are the things you like to do. If you like to do something, you usually have a fair amount of skill in doing it. Fun things take skill. Acknowledge when you are good a such things, even if it is not so outstanding.

Another place to look is at the various things you do. You have a skill in using a computer and the Internet. Do you know how many millions of people--especially older people--do not have a clue about those things?

What about school? If you were able to pass, you must have had study skills and knowledge and skill in those subjects.

If you are looking for a job, you usually combine what you like to do with what training you have, to establish that type of skill.

Do some self-examination, and I am sure you will find that you have all sorts of skills.

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I am shy and worried about my dark complexion

Topic: Confidence

Question

January 22, 2007

HI
MY NAME IS DHARMENDRA ANURAG,24 YEARS OLD FROM INDIA.SINCE MY CHILDHOOD, I HAVE BEEN AN UNDERCONFIDENT BOY.WHENEVRE I MEET PEOPLE,I FEEL VERY INSECURE AS UNABLE FOR PROPER EYE CONTACT, THIS PROBLEM GET MORE PROBLAMATIC WHEN I TALK TO FEMALES OR GIRLS. I HAD THE FEELING OF COMPLEX OF MY DARK COMPLEXION. I COMMITT MISTAKES TOO.THIS IS HAMPERING MY PROGRESS A LOT.PLEASE TELL ME ULTIMATE SOLUTION TO OVERCOME THIS PHOBIA. I SHALL B THANKFUL TO U
HELP ME SIR?

dharmendra - India

12939

Answer

Some children are born being shy, while others seem more naturally aggressive. But by the time a person becomes an adult that shyness can be overcome.

Although some people may be prejudiced against a dark complexion, it is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, you can sometimes use it to your advantage. Some women feel that a dark complexion is romantic. What is more important than your complexion is the way you dress and how you carry yourself.

Always dress well and walk tall as if you were self-assured. You may have to remind yourself to do that, but it will also help your confidence.

Make a list of the things that you feel you are good at, as well as your accomplishments -- even the minor ones. This defines who you are, and you will be able to see that you have a lot going for you.

Try to be friendly and to greet people, especially in the morning. This will make you seem more likable, and there is even a sense of power in doing that.

When you talk to girls, do not try to tell a lot about yourself or to brag. Instead, take interest in them. Try to get them to talk about themselves. Women like men who take interest in what they like, as opposed to men that want to only talk about themselves. By getting the woman talk about herself, it takes the pressure off of you in case you feel shy.

Takes a while for you to open up and feel more comfortable with other people. Do not expect results overnight, but work at it a little at a time. Do not get discouraged, but realize you have the potential to become a success and a champion in life.

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Gets negative feelings before an interview

Topic: Confidence

Question

January 21, 2007

Hi My Name is Joseph John. Iam 25 yers old guy. Iam working In MNC in Delhi. whenever I go for any Interview that time suddenly negative feeling comes in my mind. Due to this my confidence level is down. Plz tell me How to build confidence.

Joseph - India

12919

Answer

Before you go on a job interview, you should practice the interview with a friend who can ask you tough questions about your background. You also need to prepare short examples of how you have succeeded in various projects you have worked on in previous jobs. This is to show that you can solve problems in this new job.

Practicing being interviewed will prepare you for the real thing. It should give you confidence, because you will know how to answer questions that may be brought up. Being well-prepared for the interview is very important.

Before you meet the person for your interview, visualize the person is being friendly and interested in helping you get the job. This will eliminate negative feelings in your mind before the interview.

Good luck in getting a good job. I'm sure you will be able to succeed.

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Nervous about interview for promotion

Topic: Confidence

Question

January 21, 2007

i am going for promotion next week and am really dreading the interview but i am such a confident person in my present workplace, how can i overcome the nerves????

sharon - UK

12923

Answer

You need to do your homework before the interview, as well as some good preparation. Take a look at your resume and update it as if you were applying for a new job. Also, make a list of all the accomplishments you have had on your job that will qualify you for a promotion. Then list some problem areas you may have had, which might come up in the interview.

When you have done this homework, get a friend in to give you a practice interview. In this way you should have the answers to any questions well-rehearsed, such that there will be a minimum of surprises.

Been well-prepared like this will give you more confidence and greatly increase your chances of success. Best wishes on getting the promotion.

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Step-sister always put him down

Topic: Confidence

Question

January 11, 2007

I have been lacking self-confidence for years, ever since I was very young. I don't know what it was, possibly my step sister always putting me down when I was as old as 5, but I was wondering how you can undo years of lack of self-confidence. I know you say stuff like, "Divide it into smaller steps." and "congratulate yourself." but I've tried doing that, and when I do receive a compliment or I do something good, my head explodes from happiness, but it wears off faster than it stays, and I end up just being the same person again the next day, who has extremely low confidence. I'm never made fun of by my peers, I am a spoiled kid in my opinion, I have tons of friends, but I'm just lacking self-confidence and want to know even deeper ways of gaining it back.

Jeremy - USA

12801

Answer

Just like some foods can be toxic and ruin your physical health, so too can comments and opinions of others prove toxic and harm your mental health and self-image, including confidence.

One thing to realize that things your step-sister said are just her opinions. They are not facts. Also, she may have put you down because of jealousy and a way to build herself up. Parents also can harm a child's self-esteem with criticisms. They think it is helping, but it can have lasting negative effects.

But that is all in the past, and you want to move on with your life in a positive manner. First of all, avoid negative people and those who like to put down others. If your step-sister still makes put-down comments to you, just tell her that if she continues, you do not care to see her anymore. Why continue to take these toxic messages?

It takes a long time to correct the damage done over many years in the past. But each time your head explodes with happiness, you are moving an inch forward in the right direction.

Note that confidence is how sure you are able to do things, while self-esteem is how worthy you feel. They are separate things, but they go hand-in-hand. Realize how lucky you are to have tons of friends, especially those who are positive toward you. Appreciate what you have and appreciate them. They prove your worth. Now you just need to accept that.

I hope these ideas help you become a champion in life. I am sure you are on your way.

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Engineering student afraid to speak to group

Topic: Confidence WBT

Question

December 21, 2006

hi ,i m anshu from india,i m an engg student...i would like to know some tips to b a good public speaker..when i go to dias...my tounge gets stuck...n i feel my heartbeats very faster..i feel thrust ...while speaking...i know that my preparation is good n i know every thing bout the topic...then y this happens to me..???
upto now ..i hv gone for for to five public speaking..n now i want to improve..plz suggest me..


thank you

anshu - India

12670

Answer

It is good to practice your speech in front of friends and others before making your formal speech. This will give you more confidence. But being so nervous in front of an important audience is not unusual. You are afraid of making a mistake, going blank or looking foolish in front of the audience.

You need to prepare for those situations. It is good to have an outline of your talk available to refer to in case you forget things.

Another thing to do is to realize that your audience is anxious to hear what you have to say. They do not want you to do poorly. Visualize them as smiling and anxious to hear you. Visualize yourself as giving a great presentation. This will help before you give your talk.

See Overcome the Fear of Speaking to Groups at:
http://www.school-for-champions.com/speaking/fear.htm for more information.

Best wishes in doing well in your speeches.

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I'm not good at anything but want to be a success

Topic: Confidence

Question

December 15, 2006

This is a great website and I really like it.My question is I am 28 years old and I am not good at all to do anything in my life. I don't know what to do in my life. I want to achieve so many things in my life but don't have vision and don't know how to do that in a proper way.Whatever I do, don't succeed in that.I have some dreams which i want to fullfill as soon as possible.I'm also not confident at all. Please tell me how to acheive goals in life and how to do any work properly(in a proper way) to succeed in life.
Thank you.

Sally - UK

12634

Answer

Actually, you are good at many things. I imagine you've graduated from high school. A large number of people never make it that far. You are able to use the computer and find things on the Internet. That puts you in the minority, as many people are unable to do those things. It sound like you have a lot going for you.

Some suggestions:

Start making a list of different things you can do and skills you have, no matter how trivial. Make another list of accomplishments and achievements you have had since you were a teenager. Again, even include trivial items. Now make a third list of things you like to do for fun. Try to think of some things that you enjoyed so much that you completely lost track of time.

When you look at these three lists, you might be able to see some trends that can indicate the direction you'd really like to go in life. It's important to find some activity or profession in which you would really like to be involved. Looking at what you enjoy will help you find your passion. Also, you want to be able to do the best you can in your activity. That gives a lot of satisfaction.

Finally, you want to give back, to make a difference in this world and to help other people. Always ask yourself, "How will what I am doing help others?"

It's better to do one or two things well than to achieve many things and not appreciate your achievements.

Most people don't have a true vision. Instead they follow their heart. Don't be so anxious to fulfill your dreams. Instead savor the journey. Remember that life is not a destination, but a journey.

In summary, realize your talents and your skills, appreciate what you have, and try to help others. This will move you in the right direction in life. I'm sure you'll be a true champion.

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Mother broke promise about having a party

Topic: Dealing with Problems

Question

December 14, 2006

My mother made a promise to be about 3 mounths ago. Now she has decided not to follow through with it because of my school not agreeing with the promise because it is a religious school. The promise is to have a party. She finally gave in after me arguing and still gave me an ugly expression, which made me lose my appetite for having it. What should I do to make her understand and not be upset that I want it very much.

Sarah - USA

12626

Answer

It is unfortunate that your school is against the party and has influenced your mother to break her promise. Is there some way to make a compromise about your party so that it will fit into the rules of the religious school?

Sit down with your mother and ask her if there is a way to have a party that would work out with the school beliefs or rules. It may not be exactly what you want, but it is better to have her agree, so you both can be happy.

I hope it works out that your mother will support you in having some sort of party.

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Losing confidence because guys at work discourage me

Topic: Confidence

Question

December 8, 2006

i am working for a huge company around the universe as a technician trainne, most of the time i do not have confidence because of the guys who discourag my position.

please help me to gain confidence.

andrew - SOUTH AFRICA

12574

Answer

Is not good for your company if other workers are discouraging you and criticizing your work. Sometimes fellow workers feel threatened or jealous of the new worker, so they try to make it difficult for him.

Although you want to get along with the other guys, you need to ignore their comments. Realize that they don't know what they're talking about.

When you complete a task, silently congratulate yourself. If you know in your heart that you are doing a good job, then you're confidence will increase. You will know that you have the ability to do good work.

It is not important what you guys think, but what is important is that the boss considers you a good worker and valuable member of the team.

Best wishes on achieving great things in your job.

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