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Feedback Q&A on Excellence

by Ron Kurtus

Readers have sent in a total of 206 comments and questions on Excellence issues. They are listed according to date.

You can read them to further your understanding of the subject.



List of next 10 letters

Topic

Title

Country

Confidence Student of science is very shy USA
 
Confidence WBT Can confidence be created or developed? Ireland
 
Confidence Can't seem to acknowledge my successes USA
 
Dealing with Problems Are humans capable of solving their problems? USA
 
Firewalk Firewalk has nothing to do with religion USA
 
Confidence WBT Student wants to succeed INDIA
 
Confidence I lose confidence when I look at other girls India
 
Don't Lower Esteem Strict father always wants to win an argument USA
 
Confidence I want to be a journalist, but I am quite shy UK
 
Fear Fears the nightclub scene Scotland, UK
 

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First 10 letters


Student of science is very shy

Topic: Confidence

Question

December 4, 2006

Very new to this world,But i appreciate the great work which you people are doing ..
I am a student of science,and doing my bachelors in Electronics,
I want to know how can i make myself VERY CONFIDENT.
I also want to get rid of Shynes..I m very straight ,simple ...but among gathering where huge crowd is there, i feel myself very alone, i feel it is very difficult to adjust with the people as they are different from my nature.
Plz help me out.
I want to be a person who is very much confident,Smily,Easy to adjust with people arouund,Not so much shyy,have a joky mode who can laugh people and people can love him.

sana - USA

12546

Answer

Shy people often lack confidence when they are around other people. But also, it is a personality trait not to be as outgoing as others.

I am sure that when you are with people in electronics and talking about the subject, you have a fair amount of confidence. You know the subject, and you are sure about your knowledge in it. The problem occurs when you deal with others.

A good way to overcome shyness with other people is to observe and listen to them. Find out their interests and ask them to tell you more. Others like people to be interested in them. You don't have to try to be the life of the party and to joke or round until you really get to know people.

Everyone lacks confidence and feel shy when in a huge crowd, unless they know many of the people in the group. Listen and enjoy the others, and soon you will get to know them and be able to fit in. Personally, I never liked to be in a huge crowd, and instead I would prefer to be with a few good friends.

You cannot change overnight, but slowly trying to get to know people will help you overcome your shyness. I hope these ideas help.

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Can confidence be created or developed?

Topic: Confidence WBT

Question

November 10, 2006

Can confidence be created or developed?

Anna - Ireland

12365

Answer

Confidence is the feeling of how sure you are that you can perform a task. Experience in doing similar tasks will help build your confidence. But also acknowledging your successes is necessary to build a confidence.

Building your confidence in being able to do a difficult or even dangerous task can be developed by doing small tasks and slowly building up to the larger one. It is similar to how he baby learns to walk: by taking "baby steps" first.

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Can't seem to acknowledge my successes

Topic: Confidence

Question

November 1, 2006

Hey Ron,

Excellent website. I have learned a lot. I just have a couple of problems. I can't seem to acknowledge my successes for the life of me. I would do something successfully, but I wouldn't acknowledge it like I should. Once I do something, how should I go about acknowledging what I have done? How do I feel confident once I acknowledge something.

J - USA

12291

Answer

Some people downplay their successes with a form of false modesty. They might tell others and even themselves, "Oh. it was nothing." Unfortunately, that doesn't build their confidence in doing the task another time.

As long as you don't put your achievement down, you don't have to formally acknowledge a success to increase your confidence. But the self-talk of, "Good job" or "Well done" can enhance your confidence.

Try complimenting or encouraging yourself on simply achievements like finishing your homework or fixing a meal or such. That should loosen you up to being able to acknowledge more profound achievements that will improve your confidence and self-esteem.

I hope these ideas help.

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Are humans capable of solving their problems?

Topic: Dealing with Problems

Question

October 24, 2006

So is this agreeing that humans are mentally able to deal with their own problems? To what extent?

- USA

12240

Answer

Humans and even animals are mentally capable of dealing with their own problems. The thing in humans is that often they may blow their problems out of proportion. You may have seen a person who receives a minor injury or set-back and will go hysterical, as if it was the worst thing in the world. That type of reaction often results in not even trying to heal or solve the problem.

Usually, by accepting the problem and having determination, a person can solve most problems that confront them. The U.S. Marines have a good motto on this: "The difficult, we do right away. The impossible takes us a little longer."

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Firewalk has nothing to do with religion

Topic: Firewalk

Question

October 20, 2006

I had done this coal-walking decades ago. This is very common in India where people do this for a living to show that they're possessed by God, hence they're not affected. I did it prove that it has nothing to do with any religious belief, but just science through preparation.

koothoosi - USA

12213

Answer

Thanks for sharing your experience. That is true that it is easily explained with science.

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Student wants to succeed

Topic: Confidence WBT

Question

October 9, 2006

At this age I am a student and my aim is to always be on the top.I always tried a lot harder than other students,but the result comes as third rank.Afterwards I recognized that I wasn't enough confident ,then I tried to be confident,but even after revising all the lessons,I feel fear that I would'nt be able to be successful.So what should I do to gain confidence?

yash - INDIA

12109

Answer

First of all, you should not work harder, instead you should work smarter. What that means is to be more effective with your time and to keep a sharp eye out for what the teacher considers important.

If you feel you did your best, but you still came in as the third rank, you should still congratulate yourself for doing the best you can, and then say that you will try to do better than next time. This will reinforce your confidence and motivate you to excel.

You can gain confidence, by recognizing your successes, even the small ones. Give yourself a tiny bit of praise and encouragement at each success. This will help build your confidence in a natural manner.

Some people have fears that they won't be successful, so their thoughts may actually sabotage their efforts. Vow to do your best, and don't worry about being number one. If you feel you've done your best, your confidence will increase and you will get better.

I hope these ideas help.

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I lose confidence when I look at other girls

Topic: Confidence

Question

October 7, 2006

I NOW I AM SMART I HAVE A GREAT FIGER ALSO. BUT WHEN I SEE OTHER GIRLS I LOSSE ALL MY CONFIDENCE AND START FEELING MY SELF NOT BEAUTIFUL.I DON'T NOW HOW TO GAIN CONFIDENCE IN MY SELF.SOMETIME I MY SELF MAKE ME SMALL IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

SONU - India

12100

Answer

The thing to remember is not to compare yourself with other girls, because you do not really know what appeals to boys. Different people have different tastes in what they like. What is more important than looks and intelligence is that you have a pleasant personality.

Often you will see a very beautiful girl who cannot get a boyfriend, either because she acts like she is so good or that boys are intimidated by her good looks. On the other hand, you may see a real ugly girl who is popular, because she is fun and has a good personality.

Another problem with trying to compete with other girls is that some have much more money and can afford the latest clothes. You don't want to have to compete with that.

Take stock in all the talents you have and things you can do well. Make a list of all your friends. They are important to do. And don't judge others by how they look. Instead judge on how they act. In this way, you will realize you have a lot going for you. This will build your confidence in dealing with other people.

I hope these ideas help you gain confidence and to be more popular.

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Strict father always wants to win an argument

Topic: Don't Lower Esteem

Question

September 9, 2006

Your information about not lowering self-esteem is great but i have a father who is very strict, and often critisize me, that often makes me feel ridiculously bad about myself for a little problem. whenever i give a rebuttle to him he often use some logic that i can counter but i usually can't get any words out of my mouth to respond for some reason, probably it's because he's my father and i have to be obedient. if he doesn't have any logic to use he often goes like ok,ok like i do when i get the point of my parent's lectures and want it to end. I can argue with my dad but often when he hears my responses the talks soon escalates and in the end he wins his point. its like hes giving me subliminal hypnotising and i often follow his words like a slave.
I really need a way to deal with him.

- USA

11885

Answer

Fathers want their children to turn out to become good and strong adults. But fathers are especially tough on their sons, because they hope that they will be perfect. There is also a point where the father does not realize his children are growing up and have minds of their own. Some fathers can be 70 years old and be criticizing their 50-year old son as if he was a child.

One big problem is that criticizing the son or daughter too much does not make them strong. Instead, it can ruin their self-esteem and lower their confidence. You can see the damage it it is doing to you.

While you are living with your parents, you need to establish a thick skin. Do not pay heed to your father's criticism. It is only his opinion and it may be incorrect. Instead, be aware of your own talents and be internally proud of the work you do. Sometimes it does not pay to show others what you have done, because they will only criticize it. This is why many youths are secretive to their parents about what they do.

Observe and study your father's personality. It sounds like he is a person who must always win and thinks he is always right. You can still love your father and try to obey him, but knowing his personality, you can realize that it does not pay to argue with him. Sometimes it is better to listen and agree, just to avoid an argument, but then you go out and do what you thought was right anyway. Of course, you need to be careful and use some strategies to make sure things don't get worse.

It is a difficult problem that I hope will diminish as you get older. I hope these ideas help.

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I want to be a journalist, but I am quite shy

Topic: Confidence

Question

August 10, 2006

i want to be a journalist but i am quite shy in front of my classes in school. i want to build up my confidence as i really want to be a journalist! can you think of anything i can do to help me gain more confidence please?

emma - UK

11684

Answer

The most important part of being a journalist is to be good at writing down the facts that is interesting and does not include your personal views.

A news reporter will interview people to get information on what happened. That requires skill in asking the correct questions and in careful listening. Such an interviewer may be very shy to speak to a group but will be good at one-on-one conversations. But also she should not be someone who talks too much and doesn't get the story from the other person.

Finally, being a good writer and good interviewer may lead to being a news commentator. That person mainly needs a good voice and to be able to read the script.

Knowing that you have the necessary journalistic skills--or being enthusiastic about the subject--will give you confidence in being able to tell others about it, like in front of a class.

We plan to act a section on journalism in our Writing lessons. Also, for speaking to your class, see out section on Public Speaking.

Best wishes in your journalism career.

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Fears the nightclub scene

Topic: Fear

Question

August 8, 2006

hi. i have no other choice but to believe i have a strange phobia. my problem is this, almost everyone i know, including my girlfriend, enjoys going out clubbing. Even thinking about going makes me get nervous and uncomfortable. i have no idea where this comes from. i am not a fan or drinking, dancing, dance music etc and i always put it down to this, but i cant help feeling that it is something more. i cant say i have had many really bad experiences on the few occasions that i have forced myself to go. it makes no sense to me. i feel that i might lose people due to never going out, but i just cant bring myself to do it. i have lost track of the amount of times i have sat down with my mate and tried to get to the bottom of my total hatred and fear of the club scene. and we never do.... any ideas? i originally thought possibly agoraphobia, but i dont have a problem with busy places, its just clubs/pubs. it just seems to be focussed on places that are drink orientated. as you may have guessed, i dont like how drink makes people act and i dont like being around it. any help would be appreciated. cheers. steve

steve - Scotland, UK

11667

Answer

Different people like different things. Some just love to go clubbing with the the loud music, smoke and activity. But there are others who would prefer some more quiet situation with conversation among friends. And others love to go to sporting events and cheer on their teams.

An unfortunate thing is if you get into a group that loves doing something that you don't actually hate. Clubbing is somewhat of a thing that younger adults are "supposed to do" because it is fun. Thus many go out clubbing just because everyone else is doing. Instead, they'd rather be doing something else.

I wouldn't worry about any fear of the clubbing experience. It just is not your thing.

What you need to do is to find out what sort of activities you really enjoy doing. What do you think would be a good way to spend an evening? Don't be influenced by what others want to do. Find out your area of enjoyment, and then get some friends who enjoy doing the same thing.

You may stop associating with your old friends as much, but you've got to be yourself and please yourself by doing things you enjoy.

I hope these ideas help.

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