by Ron Kurtus
Readers have sent in a total of 173 comments and questions on Character issues. They are listed according to date.
You can read them to further your understanding of the subject.
|May I use your mini quiz in our monthly newsletter?||Honesty||USA|
|I've been trying to be good but often fail||Franklin's Virtues||India|
|Does pornography mean poor character?||Purpose of Lessons||UK|
|How does a counselor deal with cheating students?||Newberger Book||Ethiopia|
|I want people to like me||Motivations to Change Character||Syria|
|I am pursuing an MBA and need to know my character||General||India|
|Wish message applied to corporate culture||If I Were Brave||USA|
|have many questions about Ben Franklin's views||Franklin's Virtues||USA|
|Student reads meaning into what I say||Integrity||Nigeria|
|Confused between Character and Personality||What is Character||Malaysia|
|Is killing or stealing acceptable behavior?||What is Character||Zimbabwe|
|Got caught stealing at Wal-Mart||Stealing||USA|
|Stole something a year ago||Stealing||Canada|
|What was Franklin's opinion about his own virtues?||Franklin's Virtues||USA|
|Stealing is bad||Stealing||USA|
May I use your mini quiz in our monthly newsletter?
February 8, 2010
May I use your mini quiz in our monthly newsletter? I will send you a copy of the completed one and also give credit in the newsletter to your site. Thank you.
Linda - USA (19179)
Yes, you can use the material in your newsletter. That would be great to get a copy.
Best wishes in making your newsletter great.
I've been trying to be good but often fail
January 25, 2010
Sir I have been trying to make good my life, but offen I fail.
I have collected so much material from the internet and I am not sure that whether I shall be able to read them all.
I came across these 13 virtues and they seem so simple.
I am not sure that will they produce results to me?
Are they comeplete, or more needs to be added to these virtues?
Please guide me I am in need to help.
Nitin - India (19104)
Franklin's 13 virtues is a nice guide to leading a good life. They will help you achieve your goals, as well as to have good relations with others, including in your business or career.
Benjamin Franklin tried to follow these virtues in his life, but he sometimes missed the mark. Yet, he lived a long and successful life.
Do not think of failing in what you attempt. Instead, consider them setbacks from which you can learn and improve.
There are variations of these 13 virtues. They can be summarized as: "Don't do things that harm yourself but rather do what helps you," and "Don't harm others but rather seek to help them."
Following these simple guides or virtues should give you a successful and happy life.
Does pornography mean poor character?
January 12, 2010
Dear School for Champions,
This message contains my sincere issue about character and its possible erosion through exposure to pornography. Because of its subject area please do not overlook the importance of my search in finding a place of understanding and piece to what has become a nagging issue.
As a child growing up I was the youngest of four brothers and pornographic magazines were often brought into the house and secretly thumbed through. I started masturbating to these images at around 13 always feeling guilty, perhaps because of my catholic upbringing. I had many other 'negative' social qualities getting into trouble with school/police, playing truant from school, drinking alcohol etc...
Incompatible with this lifestyle was my feeling to improve myself and be "wholesome". I have cut out alcohol (over 6 year now, after being an alcoholic) and stopped smoking. I practice Transcendental Meditation and constantly devote myself to being better in every way.
One of the 'character' issues that I have wrestled with has been masturbation and pornography. I came to the conclusion that my body is producing sperm at a prolific rate so masturbation is ok and the fact that I feel guilty about it is down to hormones released after sex and a large dose of Catholic Guilt.
Recently I came across an audio book that exposed the praises of having a "strong character" and I began to wonder if I was strong in that department?
My first musings led me to search the internet for definitions of "what is character" and I read several articles on this site that I found very informative.
Character in essence seems to be a very subjective, thing. One person's truth is another person's untruth; and character seems to shift depending upon circumstance and point-of-view.
IF this is the case, how can anyone ever know if they have a STRONG character? If there are so many variables what solid concrete foundation can someone class their judgement of character upon? Religionists used Jesus and the bible. However, ever since Darwin and the unearthing of the Gnostic Gospels the foundations of the bible aren't secure enough to validate judgement of a profound and intimate thing as a person's character.
If a person judges his character by the merits of his conscience then like me you will find that there will be issues like pornography that my conscience has a neutral take on through familiarity and therefore miss out on improvement because of non-awareness of the dire situation that perhaps I considered normal. Conscience is dependent on perspective.
Is 'Character' itself just a concept? Just a word where the statement, 'they have a strong character' is similar to saying, 'they have a strong accent,' totally dependent upon condition, circumstance, paradigm and perspective?
Thank you for reading this and I do appreciate your response to the points I raise.
Peter - UK (19031)
Much of character comes from what you learn from parents, friends and your own experiences. Your inborn own personality traits color your character.
Personal character concerns your attitude toward working and achievement, as well as taking care of yourself. Typically, a person who is hard-working, responsible and does not abuse alcohol, food or sex can be considered to have strong personal character by other people. Such a person will achieve his goals and have greater accomplishments.
Social character concerns attitudes toward other people. A person with positive social character is honest and helpful, as opposed to being deceitful and harmful to others.
Group-based character concerns following the rules of a group, such as the Church. A pious person is considered having good character to other church members.
Masturbation and pornography are against church doctrine and someone who is involved in such actions is considered to have poor character to church officials. However, unless done to an excess such that it harms the individual or someone else, it may not be an indication of poor personal or social character.
If you live a life where you do not do things that harm yourself--like excess drinking, not showing up for work, or such--you can be considered to have good personal character. Also, if you do not harm others or cause a loss to them, but instead are helpful and kind, other people will consider you to have strong social character traits.
I hope this helps to clarify things to you. Go through our Character lessons for more information.
How does a counselor deal with cheating students?
January 4, 2010
Hi,I am Ashenafi Tesfaye.I am a gudance and counselor at medhanialem priparatory school . what i want to ask you is that why do student initate for cheating during examination.please send me any researh paper.if you can please tell me what is expected fuom ccounselors to improve this .
Ashenafi - Ethiopia (18963)
Many parents put so much pressure on their children to get good grades that students feels he or she must cheat in order to get a good grade. Also, some who have not studied enough may find that cheating is an easy way out.
As a counselor, emphasizing pride in personal achievements may help some students avoid cheating. However, you should never tell a student not to cheat, because they may become indignant at the implication that they are dishonest.
One suggestion is that in a discussion with a student, you might tell a story about some other student who was caught cheating and disgraced his parents. You can conclude with, "Of coarse you would never do this, but it is a shame about this other student."
It is a difficult subject for a counselor to handle. Hopefully, you will not find any of your students cheating.
Best wishes in your guidance and counseling career.
I want people to like me
December 29, 2009
thanks for this website and for helping people and i need your help and advice cause i want to change my life my position my moving and i dont have good characteristic and i have to be a great person how can i talk people and make them like me cause i cant make good relations with people and i have to cause i am studying business and this is my second season and this specialize need active people, leader have good relation with people so i need u to give motivation and advice about changing my personality
all my regards
amr - Syria (18944)
An important adage in business and in sales is that if you help people to get what they want, then you will get what you want and your business will be successful.
The best way to make people like you is to take interest in what they are interested in. People want to feel important. If you show you are interested and listen to them, they will think highly of you. But if you try to control the conversation and brag about yourself, they will be turned off.
It is surprising that when you take the time to be interested and to ask questions from another person about their interests, you develop a whole new attitude toward people and toward life. This is the way to have good relationships with other people.
You do not have to change your personality. Instead know your strengths and weaknesses. Be yourself, be relaxed and do not try to impress others. Let them impress you, and they will like you.
I hope these ideas help. Best wishes in your studies, your career and your relationships.
I am pursuing an MBA and need to know my character
November 26, 2009
sir. currently i am persuing MBA in a prestigious university and hra university. basically i am from rural are. thats why i have not specific character. i have to be developed ewll. plz give me some suggestion. plz
surendra - India (18743)
You do not realize that you do have an established character. Being aware of your character traits will help you improve them.
Since you are studying for your MBA, you have the positive traits of being hard working and determined. It also takes courage to leave a rural area to go to a university. Your parents are responsible for teaching you many of these personal character traits.
Likewise, you have probably learned character lessons about honesty and how to deal with other people. Note that going from a rural area to a prestigious university can bring about a negative social character trait of looking down on those back home. Being humble is a very positive trait that will help you move forward in your relationships with people.
Do some self-analysis to see all the various character traits you may have. You will be surprised to see there is more to you than you realize.
Best wishes in your studies.
Wish message applied to corporate culture
November 3, 2009
I found this site after accidentally hearing this song, and finding that it was sometimes used at corporate functions, such as sensitivity trainings. I think Ms. Standfield is a sort of genius for carving out the niche that she has. However, corporate culture does prevent people from finding their true bravery. Sensitivity training tends to limit people's voices, concentrates a narrow, common mind-set, and reinforces stereotype threat. Hopefully Ms. Stanfield can find the bravery to take her positive message to a higher, albeit less profitable, level.
Addison - USA (18617)
I believe you can be brave within the corporate culture. One way is to volunteer for tasks. You are putting your neck on the line, because if anything goes wrong, you may be blamed. But it is a form of bravery and courage that has its rewards, as well as allowing your to shape things in your viewpoint.
Society seems to have moved to two extremes. In one direction, there is the sensitivity training, diversity training and other efforts to make sure no one is offended or slighted. Corporations worry about lawsuits, so they try to stifle anything even slightly offensive to sensitive groups. The other extreme is that people have become extremely rude and even cruel to others. This includes managers in corporations and their attitude toward employees.
Jana's message of being brave applies to your life in general and being able to take chances. In a corporate setting, you still can be brave, as long as you are diplomatic, as well as careful not to step on someone's toes. However, you can be brave in the path you follow in life.
have many questions about Ben Franklin's views
September 24, 2009
What does Ben Franklin believe is the nature of man? Does he believe it is good or evil?
What does Franklin believe makes a good ruler? How should a ruler governed in his view?
What is more important to Franklin? divine right of kings or the natural rights of man?
What's Franklin's veiw of women rights? are they equal to men?
What are Franklin's views on education? and who should be educated?
What does Franklin think the goal of education should be?
What does Frankin think government's role should be?
- USA (18375)
Franklin listed his 13 virtues as part of his philosophy on good living. He had many views on various subjects. You can start getting answers to your questions by reading his biography at:
Also, try some of the books and website listed as Resources.
Student reads meaning into what I say
July 21, 2009
hope u good , well i have a serious problem in my school. and is a case of 'misjudgement' of act by fellow student.always reading meaning into every single thing i do or say . please can u give me a perfact way of getting my peace back.
donald - Nigeria (18044)
For some reason, this student seems to mistrust you and feels you are distrustful or misleading. The reason may be because of some incident or because this person is distrustful of everyone.
Choose your words carefully when speaking to this student so that there does not seem to be any hidden meaning. You want to assure him that you have the utmost integrity.
But also, be cautious that this student does not spread rumors about you.
In some cases, you can gain the trust of a person who initially distrusts you, such that you can become close friends. But there are others who will never trust others. It is probably good to avoid those people.
It is a difficult situation. I hope this gives you some ideas on a solution.
Confused between Character and Personality
July 20, 2009
Hi, I am a bit confused between Character and Personality and often, i would get mixed up when asked to explain on the subject. Thus, I really need this to be as simple to be understood as possible.
1) What is the definition of Character?
2) What is the definition of Personality?
3) Can you give me a few examples of traits for Character?
4) Can you give me a few examples of traits for Personality?
With these, I hope to have a better and clearer understanding between the two.
Ricky Ong - Malaysia (18040)
Personality consists primarily of inborn traits. It is a tendency that can be seen even when a person is a child. One example is having an outgoing personality. Tendency to be leader or to be a serious person are also personality traits. There are a number of classifications for personality traits.
On the other hand, character is the quality in which you do something. Although affected by personality, it is primarily taught. Dishonest children usually have dishonest parents or friends. A person with a character trait of being hard-working usually learns that value from his parents. Character concerns a learned attitude toward work and toward other people.
I hope that helps you understand the difference.
Is killing or stealing acceptable behavior?
July 17, 2009
Your definition of character clearly states that; it is a set of behavior traits that define what sort of person and individual is. Now I would like to know if killing, stealing, fornication etc can be regarded as positive traits in any progressive society? These in my view are very negative traits and anyone who has them can never be said to have good character. I am of the opinion that failure to base your qualification of good and bad on a solid proven experience would result in misleading of individuals who come into contact with this kind of information. I therefore would propose that you clearly spell out the positive and negative behavior traits according to your conviction in order to remove any confusion, I believe this would give readers the choice of whether to embrace or reject the teaching.
Chihombe - Zimbabwe (18031)
There is a universal rule of good character that you should not harm other people or cause a loss to them.
Certainly, such actions as killing, stealing and fornication are considered negative character traits in progressive societies. But note that if your parents or friend taught you negative ways to act, you may think such actions were acceptable, even though others did not.
By looking at our other lessons on character, you can see examples of positive character, as well as explanations of what leads to those character traits.
Got caught stealing at Wal-Mart
June 21, 2009
me and two of my friends got caught stealing in walmart yesterdayand i was the one that walked out with the purse but i didnt have anything for me in there but a shirt... they called the cops cuz it was 75 dollars worth of stuff and i dont know what to do i am freakin out if i get put on probation i will get kicked off drill team please help me out i dont know what to do i prayed to god every second of the day my best friend was the one that was putin everything in the purse i dont know waht to do i lost every bit of trust with my mom and everything and it is the worst feeling of the world expecially when she told me she isnt just dissapointed she is very dissapointed :( please help
- USA (17932)
I don't have to tell you that you got yourself in a lot of trouble and have disappointed a lot of people, especially your mother. And $75 worth of stuff would be a lot of money for Wal-Mart to lose, but it wouldn't make you rich.
If you haven't been caught stealing before and have a good record at school, you might be able to get the manager at Wal-Mart to drop the charges.
Perhaps you or your mother could talk to the manager at Wal-Mart to ask if there is some way they can drop the charges. The only problem is that they may have a strict policy about it or that once it goes to the police, it is out of their hands. But it doesn't hurt to try.
Whether or not you get put on probation or get kicked off the drill team, it certainly is a lesson learned not to steal. Also, you might question whether it is good to have a friend who would get you into such a jam.
You need to start with your mother and tell her how sorry you are about it, how you have learned a lesson and will be changing your ways. But also expect some punishment from her. At the very least, you will be grounded for a while.
Note that word will get around to your other friends about how you got caught. If they say something, you have to let them know you learned your lesson.
It is going to take a while for all this to blow over. I hope that Wal-Mart will let you off with just a "slap on the hand" and not make an example of you.
Best wishes for this to turn out OK.
Stole something a year ago
May 29, 2009
Hi there, I read your page and found it very useful and informative. I just have 1 thing I've always felt bad about. Its about a year ago, I took some cologne from a shop. I did it sometimes, and luckily I did not get caught. But my friends said that they can check the camera to check out the case and maybe I will be caught.
Please help me about this. Is it true? Thank you
M. - Canada (17819)
Although it was not good that you took some cologne from a shop, it is good that you have regrets about doing that.
Although many stores have cameras to monitor customers in case of shoplifting, they do not keep those tapes for more than a few weeks. So it is highly unlikely that you will be arrested after this long of time.
Certainly, don't steal again. It just isn't worth it.
What was Franklin's opinion about his own virtues?
April 21, 2009
I dont really have a question but there is something I would like to know about. What was Franklins opinion about his own virtues. Did he really fully agree with all them? Did Franklin doubt himself at all?
- USA (17636)
I don't think Benjamin Franklin ever wrote or told anyone about concerns about breaking the virtues he had listed and tried to follow. But the fact that he kept a list of the virtues to review shows that he probably was concerned when he broke the rules.
It is sort of like the person who is on a diet and keeps a reminder sign on the refrigerator door. The sign often doesn't help.
The virtues were his beliefs, so he did agree with them. Although Franklin seemed confident and even happy-go-lucky most of his life, I am sure he had self-doubts. Everyone does, even the most successful people.
Stealing is bad
April 13, 2009
stealing is bad and freakin' bad. you can get yourself in too double trouble
Daniel - USA (17600)
You're right. The money or goods you get just isn't worth the hassle that might come to you.
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