by Ron Kurtus
Readers have sent in a total of 173 comments and questions on Character issues. They are listed according to date.
You can read them to further your understanding of the subject.
|I am a responsible teen||Responsible||USA|
|How can a man and woman be trustworthy?||Trustworthy||USA|
|Suppose your tasks were greater than the time allowed||Determination||USA|
|Got caught stealing and put in jail||Stealing||USA|
|Still worried after getting caught stealing||Stealing||Canada|
|Was caught stealing at Sears||Stealing||Canada|
|Always expect negative results||10 Commandments||Philippines|
|Is this father greedy?||Corporate Greed||USA|
|Don't want to hear that patience is a virtue||Franklin's Virtues||USA|
|Concerned that girlfriend always lies||Newberger Book||USA|
|The devil is my stumbling block||Determination||Cameroon|
|Fiance says she is not responsible||Responsible||USA|
|Wants to follow Franklin's Virtues||Franklin's Virtues||India|
|I cheated on a test and now feel bad||Trustworthy||Dominican Republic|
|My best friend betrayed me||Trustworthy||USA|
I am a responsible teen
March 21, 2007
Hi my name is Bernard. I live in Atlanta, Ga. I am a responsible teen. I always obey the rules because I do not feel like my parents nagging or nothing. I always think before I act. I am a leader not a follower, but in order to be good leader you have to be good follower.
Bernard - USA (13408)
With so many people being irresponsible these days, you could become an excellent role model. You certainly seem to have your head on straight, and I am sure that you will be a success and a champion in whenever you attempt.
How can a man and woman be trustworthy?
February 25, 2007
would like a list of ways a man and woman can be trustworthy in a relationship?
- USA (13245)
Being honest and truthful in your actions and communication will show that you are trustworthy in the relationship. Unfortunately, some people are jealous and will misinterpret an innocent action as a betrayal or dishonesty. If the other person is the jealous type, you need to be very cautious in your dealings with the person.
It is difficult to list the ways people can be trustworthy, because it's similar to saying what list the ways a person can be good or honest. There is no specific list for that.
Suppose your tasks were greater than the time allowed
February 13, 2007
I do not know how to thank you for the precious information that I have always found on the website school for champion. I am very grateful for you have been kind enough to always answer my questions satisfactory. Today, I want to know whether one has to be determine even up to the point of death. For example you set a goal but on the way you discovered that the tasks take more than what you thought. If you give up does it means that you are not determine? Or if you do everything you can and see that you can not continue what should you do then since you are too determine? Sir/Madame, also clarified my how to be patient with people if you have been brought up in such a way that you are so disciplined and organised.
compassioncompass - USA (13143)
Being determined means that you want to achieve your goal so much that you are not easily discouraged. Some goals may be so large that it may not be possible to achieve them within your lifetime. Others may be so difficult that you do not have the skills or talents to achieve them. With large and difficult goals, it is good to break them into smaller goals that can be achieved. In this way you can make progress toward your outcome.
Although you should be determined to achieve your goal, you also need to be realistic. In some cases it is better to reevaluate and perhaps take a different course of action. That is not giving up. Rather, it is adjusting your sights.
In dealing with other people, you must realize that many are not as skilled as you, as organized as you, or do not work at your speed. Being aware of this and other people will allow you to have more patience with them, so that it will help you achieve your own goals.
Got caught stealing and put in jail
January 20, 2007
well i'm 17 yrs old. and i'm am not a citizen here in the united states i'm from mexico well i stole from a store over at deerbrook mall and i got cought it was $88.00 dollars worth of stuff and so i went to jail they said if it would've been $50.00 dollars worth of stuff i took that i would've just gotten a ticket but no i went to jail i feel really bad for what i did and embarrased too i can't believe what i did it was the first time i had ever done it i only had $20.00 dollars and i everything was over that amount of money but i truly don't know where my mind was that day i got bonded out of jail the next day at 3:00A.M. my dad paid $500.00 dollars and i got to go to court on monday at 8:00A.M. and i want to know what is going to happen to me what will be my punishment? i'm crying right now because i don't know what will happen cause i'm not a citizen and my parents are worried! and i want to know if what i did will stay on my record please tell me what could happen specially because i'm not a citizen here in the united states i'm very desperate to know now please give me an answer right away...THANK YOU!.
SARA - USA (12916)
Obviously, stealing is wrong and not worth it. It is worse to get caught stealing in a country where you are a visitor.
I am surprised that they send you to jail, since you are a minor and under 18 years of age. Also, stores sell and prosecute unless the dollar amount is very high. Perhaps they are just cracking down on shoplifters.
It would be best to have a lawyer with you in court to help negotiate a settlement. But since you have to go to court on Monday, there probably isn't enough time to get a lawyer. At the very least, your parents should be with you in court.
Did they read you your rights when they arrested you? It is the law that they must tell you that you can get a lawyer or the court will appoint one. If they did not read you your rights and tell you that you could get a lawyer, that should be brought up in court. Also, the fact that you are under 18 should be mentioned.
You should not mention that you are not a citizen unless somebody asks you under oath. Otherwise, let them assume that you are a citizen.
The big thing is to get a lawyer to give you legal counsel. Perhaps when you go to court you could ask to have the hearing delayed until you get a lawyer.
Best wishes, and I hope things work out for you. And remember, don't ever ever steal again.
Still worried after getting caught stealing
December 27, 2006
hi...it's me again (sear's stealer):...thank u so much about what u wrote me.....i really apreciate dat....and i got another question...:D...well i got caughted 4 days ago...and nothing had happened...also i finished my english clases like a month ago, and im almost leaving...im leaving january 6th and my visa expires in february...and thats why i am almost leaving but do u think if i leave canada in january 6th i would have a problem?? cuz now is almost new year and they are in holidays maybe they will not do anything. but in january can happen and imagine this: i leave in that day and later they want to talk with me or something like that and im gone and they didn't knew ...do u think they will try to find me in my country or they will want me to come again to canada to fix my mistake....????? thank you and please tell what do u think...please....
jacky - Canada (12697)
I guess it is fortunate that you are finishing up and planning on going to your home country soon. If you were planning on spending another year in school, you might have to worry about being kicked out or being deported.
Hopefully Sears will not feel it is worth prosecuting you. Likewise, the police may only put it in their records, in case you get caught again. But if they do happen to contact you before you leave, you can tell them that you are sorry and that you are leaving the country. It is unlikely that they would cause any trouble for you. They would not seek to find you in another country for such a small theft.
Get yourself ready to leave, as if nothing had happened. If things work out fine, you should be able to leave on time.
And remember what I said before: Never, ever steal again. Think in terms of giving to people and not taking from them. You will feel better about yourself and others will think better about you, too.
Was caught stealing at Sears
December 24, 2006
hi...i am 17 years old, i am an international student and i got caught stealing in SEARS...i feel so ashamed and stupid cuz i don't know why i did it...also i was with a friend that she had stolen soooo many things before mostly clothes and she got caughted too ...in that day i took a dress but before i took more clothes i feel so dirty cuz i am a criminal and i cant forgive my self...in that day when i was going to meet my friend in the parking lot(she left sears first and i stay cuz we thought that way wouldnt be and look suspicious)when i was walking looking for my friends car the security people caught me and they took me to the video room and asked me what a i stoled and they asked to call my friend cuz they saw her stealing the belts and i called her and she came and in that room they asked me for my ID and i said i dont have cuz im an international student and i gave them my student card from my english clases and they asked me my phone number and address but i am living in a rented room after that the police came and the asked me for my id and i said the same that i am an international student and im here just to study english and they also asked me for phone number and address and they asked the same to my friend but she is canadian resident and she doesnt have the citizen yet. and after all the questions they just let us leave but im so afraid cuz i dont know what is going to happen, i will be deported or go to jail i dont know and thats my question what canadian police do in my case, i need please an answer i feel so nervous and i dont even want to go out cuz i feel they will go the place im living and the family im living with will know and they will not want me to stay there anymore i really dont want them to know cuz i feel so ashamed...i dont know what will happen to me...and before coming to canada i must have a person who will be like my representant cuz im under age and i was coming alone and also i was living with them but i had some arguments with them and i moved out to the place i am now living and my other question is: the police will contact them because they are my representants and tell them what i did and put them in troubles or pay something??? i dont know please help me im so desesperated please answer me. and another thing is: they will do something after all i mean will they put me in jail or pay a fine or deport me and never let me come to canada. one thing that i feel so stupid about is that i really wasn't going to steal anything that day cuz i didn't saw anything good BUT i saw a dress and i felt the temptation to take it home without paying...please help me please...and i wanna thank for this web page, cuz is very helpful and read all the shoplifters experiences and questions and they really helped me to understand how bad is to steal... my frien said "we are lucky cuz the police could put us in jail that day and maybe 5 days" but i dont think we are lucky i dont know what to think....what do u think?? we were lucky or is just how they do it....thank you...
Jacky - Canada (12686)
It is difficult to tell whether Sears will seek to have you prosecuted for stealing or what action the police will take. It is bad enough to be stealing, especially because of the consequences, but it is even worse to be visitor in a country and get caught stealing. Not only is there the shame of being caught stealing and the possibility of jail, but there is the chance that you will be deported and lose all your opportunities.
Your friend was no friend, since she got you involved in stealing. You do not need friends that will drag you down and help ruin your life.
It is too bad that you had arguments with your representatives in Canada. Hopefully, you did not offend them such that they will not help you. It is important for you to find some people to help you and give you counseling.
Check with the International Students area in school to see if they can give you some advice. It might be worthwhile to hire a lawyer to give you legal counsel.
It is unlikely that you will be put in jail, since this is a first offense. You may have to pay a fine and be put on some sort of probation. The big problem is that your school may expel you. Also, committing a crime could very well cause you to be deported.
I know it is a shameful thing to be caught stealing. It is probably difficult to face those who have found out about it. People lose trust in those who are caught stealing. So, you need to apologize to everyone. And make a vow to never, ever do something dishonest again. Hopefully, this will be a lesson that will make you a better and stronger person than before. Seek to help others instead of taking from them.
I hope they just let you off with a fine and let you continue your schooling. Best wishes in this matter.
Always expect negative results
December 19, 2006
im a type of person that always expecting the negative result in my life, the reason behind that is that i dont wanna expect more from me,becouse i dont want to disappoint my self and other people,but sometimes i lost my selfcompedence..pls help me avoid this kind of attetude.
bhie - Philippines (12652)
You may expect the negative, but what is it that you really want? I am sure that you want positive things to happen in your life. If you set a goal to get what you want, you have a good chance of achieving that goal. But if you do not achieve the goal, you should not think of it as a failure. Instead, it is an opportunity to learn from your mistakes.
Some people have a nature where they always expect to win and succeed. But there are others who want to succeed, but they have a defensive mechanism to avoid disappointment. They can be just as successful, if they are able to control their expectations.
If you have the attitude that you will do your best and not be overly concerned about the outcome, then you will never be disappointed. You will have more confidence, because you are simply doing your best.
I hope these ideas help you be able to achieve great things that you are capabile of acheving.
Is this father greedy?
December 16, 2006
I KNOW A FATHER WHO PUTS ALL OF HIS SON'S HARD EARNED MONEY UP FOR HIM BECUSE HIS SON CAN'T MANAGE HIS MONEY. NOW HIS SON IS IN A BIND. AND HIS FATHER WILL NOT LET HIM USE ANY OF HIS OWN MONEY TO GET HIM OUT OF THE BIND IS THE FATHER GREEDY????
R.D. - USA (12635)
Greed is when someone tries to get more than is necessary for himself. In this case, the father is not greedy. Instead, he is somewhat over-controlling in trying to help his son manage his own money. Fathers often don't want to let their sons grow up.
What the father should do is to let the son manage his own money and sink or swim on how he well he can do the job. Otherwise, how will his son learn?
What the son needs to do is to have a talk with his father and asked him be able to handle his own financial affairs, so that he can learn how to manage his money. He won't be able to learn if his father is controlling the purse strings.
Don't want to hear that patience is a virtue
December 12, 2006
Hmm that is very interesting. Next jackoff that tells me "patience is a virtue" is getting a history lesson! :)
Benny - USA (12606)
Fortunately Franklin did not comment on patience being a virtue. I think he might have said, "Use patience as an means to an end."
Concerned that girlfriend always lies
December 12, 2006
Greetings from Cape Cod, a small new englgand town on the edge of earth. I'm writing to you because I stumbled across your webpage on "Trust and Honesty"... I'm currently in a trustless relationship. Mostly on my part and IM not sure what is the truth and what is a lie. I live with my girlfriend and we have a rocky relationship at best, and I don't klnow what to do. I love her deeply, but I get these vibes from her that something is not right. This is due, in part, to our history together. I have caught her in several lies and, on occasion, in situations that raise questions followed by answers that create more quesitons and doubt. This is very frustrating because I want to believe she is a trustworthy person. I conceed to having trust issues and made that very clear to her from the start. However, my trust issues with her are not without merit, and I believe that people create the environment they are in. She often turns the questions around and puts them back on me stating I have a problem. What I am asking is this...What is the fine line between confrontation about lying, and believing someone with a history of deceit. We broke up for a couple of months and I moved back to my area. She called me one day and told me she wanted me bvack, that she realizes that her lies and headgames have caused mistrust and that she wanted to make this work. with some hesitation, I decided to move back herre with her. It's been about 2 months, and already I am seeing signs of lying and headgames on her part. When I react to these situations, she shuts down, and says nothing. How do I deal with this? Am I crazy, or am I justified?
Daniel - USA (12612)
People lie for various reasons. One reason is to deceive another person in order to manipulate or get something from the person. A con-man or shyster are examples of such people. There are others who lie because they did something wrong or do not want to let others know their business. Then there are those who lack self-esteem and lie to build themselves up in the eyes of others. And finally, there are the few that lie not to hurt another's feelings.
People who are habitual lyers, such that they may not even know what the truth is anymore, are usually those with esteem problems. They want to be somebody they aren't. They also often play headgames to get the upper hand.
You can try to figure out how to classify your girlfriend. Also, it would be interesting to know whether she lies to her friends and family too.
Catching your girlfriend in a lie and confronting her about it realy serves no purpose. It will usually just result in denials and an argument. Also, telling her that she has a problem it the best way to start a fight. It is not unusual for a person to take offense and turn it around.
I think the best technique to handle an argument is to tell the person that perhaps you misunderstood what was said and that you want to communicate the issue better.
Personally, I don't like to have arguments, especially in a romantic situation. Life is too short to have a relationship where there is mistrust and fighting. You may love someone but not be able to live with the person. You can be friends though.
I hope these ideas help in resolving this issue.
The devil is my stumbling block
October 11, 2006
Thank you very much for your arlticle. One problem i have is how to be self-confindent since one of the opponent is even myself? knowing wellfully that the devil is always at work at times makes us to tremble not because we don't have self confident but because we think the devil can be a stubling block.
I am very greatful with your arlticle and will be very greateful to welcome any advice on HOW TO OVERCOME THE DIFFICULITIES IN LIFE AND REMAIN OPTIMESTIC
Thank for now
ngum - Cameroon (12134)
One of the important things to do is to listen to how you talk to yourself. Some people will be very self-critical and saying negative things to themselves such as, "You can't do that." Others may say that it is the devil that is speaking to them.
You should try not to tell yourself negative things that will discourage you. Instead say encouraging things, just as you would to a younger person.
Remember that the difficulties in life opportunities to help you grow and become stronger.
Those ideas should help you gain in confidence and remained optimistic.
Fiance says she is not responsible
October 11, 2006
I googled about "How to be a responsible individual ..." and I cam acrossed your website.
I am in my mid-30s and my fiance just told me last night that he's concern about us having kids because he can't see any responsible behaviour in me. The statement really struck me --- like at my age I still have not developed that trait.
Is there hope for me? Is not doing the household chores on a regular basis not being responsible? ~ this was one of the examples that my fiance gave me about being not being responsible.
I know my question sounds like I am 3 years old...embarrassing it may be for asking but I am struggling to become a better individual by acquiring responsible behaviours.
Your help is greatly appreciated.
- USA (12137)
The fact that you don't do household chores on a regular basis does not mean that you are not a responsible person. Ask yourself why you don't do them. Is it because you don't like to do them? Or perhaps you don't feel they are important? Or maybe you don't have the time to do them.
Now, if you had promised to do the household chores on a regular basis, but then you didn't, you might be considered irresponsible. A question comes to mind is whether your fiancé offers to help with the household chores, or does he expect you to do them all yourself?
If you were spending all of the money foolishly, such that you couldn't pay your bills, that would be considered irresponsible.
For him to say that you shouldn't have children because you are not responsible sounds like you would not take care of them once you had them.
A big issue here is that is some pretty heavy criticism to lay on you. It almost sounds like a bad omen in your relationship. Perhaps you two should have a good talk to resolve things. Two-way communication is important in good relationships.
Wants to follow Franklin's Virtues
August 17, 2006
helo, i am mohsin 24 male. i came accross ur site throu http://www.ElderWisdomCircle.org . i found the Franklin's 13 lessons very admirable. i want to implement those in my life and practice them in every step of my life. but i have a problem of consisteny n persistency. how to manage the lessons and continue with them in every ups n down of our life.pl guide me. thank u.
mohsin - India (11718)
One thing you can do is to make a list of the 13 Virtues, such that you can look at it every day as a reminder.
Note that Ben Franklin used these virtues as a guide, but he also broke many of them often. It was an effort to lead his life in the right direction, but Franklin also realized that humans are not perfect and can be boring if they do act perfect.
Being aware of a good way to act is often sufficient to lead a good life, even if there are occasional lapses. Being well-meaning is important.
Best wishes in leading a happy and productive life.
I cheated on a test and now feel bad
June 4, 2006
i cheat on a test and i feel so bad of doing it and now lots of person hate me and dont trust on me ,now i am in very big troubles . what should i do to win the trust of everybody again? please i need your help i dont know what to do !!!!!!!!!!!!!
nicole - Dominican Republic (11280)
That is the problem with cheating or being dishonest. Once people find out, then they don't trust you and look down on you. It will take a while for your to gain their trust again.
If someone mentions that you were dishonest and cheated, you should admit that it was wrong and say that you learned your lesson and will never cheat again. People respect it if you say you have learned your lesson.
But realize that it may be a long time for everyone to forget about it. Just make sure that you are extremely honest and make sure there is not even a hint that you are cheating again. You actually need to be more honest than others now.
Time will heal and this problem has hopefully made you a stronger and better person.
My best friend betrayed me
March 27, 2006
What do you do when a best friend have betrayed you by talking about you behind your back and you question him/her about it directly in their presence and he/she says they haven't been talking about you in a negative way when you know he/she have. Do you believe them or do you question the friendship.
Shequana - USA (10641)
Sometimes friends don't mean to gossip but they do and are embarrassed about it, so they won't admit what they did.
If you like the person and enjoy being friends, you can let it pass and continue with your friendship. But you know that you need to be a little cautious about your relationship. It may never happen again. But if you hear negative comments again, then you can decide whether to move on and have someone else as a good friend.
I have had friends who have disappointed me by talking behind my back or not helping me when I asked for help. They were still my friends, but I also knew where they were coming from and probably never have them as a best friend.
I hope that helps in defining your relationship.
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