by Ron Kurtus
Readers have sent in a total of 206 comments and questions on Excellence issues. They are listed according to date.
You can read them to further your understanding of the subject.
|My job is not suited to my school studies||Concentration||Philippines|
|Where can I attend to the firewalking seminar?||Firewalk||Sweden|
|What is the role of confidence?||Confidence||India|
|I'm afraid to make mistakes in English||Fear||Nigeria|
|Negative self talk affecting career goals||Champion Questions||South Africa|
|Help me get more confident in speaking to my class||Confidence||UK|
|Having problems making decisions||Confidence||India|
|What if the people around you dont give you support?||Confidence||UK|
|Worried about what people say about her||Confidence||USA|
|Is it correct to ask, "Do you firewalk?"||Firewalk||Brazil|
|Now I understand about walking on hot coals||Firewalk||USA|
|I am suffering from many fears||Fear||Pakistan|
|Lost confidence in playing baseball||Confidence WBT||USA|
|I want to speak fluently and properly||Confidence WBT||India|
|Do well for a while and then suddenly do poorly||Confidence||USA|
My job is not suited to my school studies
November 17, 2013
Nice work , Im motivated 100% by your messages. I'm a working student and my work are not suited of what I am studying, I can't get out here because my tuition are depend in this company , in short this is my source of income.
Thank you very much ! You motivate me a lot!! (-:
Jason - Philippines (24203)
Often students will be working in areas other than their main interest. Typically, once the student graduates, he can seek a better job in his area a interest. However, if the company is paying for the tuition, they usually expect the person to continue working for number of years.
It is a good idea to look within your company to see if there are future positions that would better suit your education and interests. If there is nothing in this company, you can look for work elsewhere when you graduate. But it is important to do a good job in your present position, such that you will get a positive recommendation and reference.
I hope these ideas help. Best wishes in a successful career.
Where can I attend to the firewalking seminar?
July 26, 2012
Where can I attend to the firewalking seminar?
Thanks in advance!
Juliana - Sweden (22803)
You might check the Swedish Firewalking site for information. They provide training in firewalking, but they may be able to tell where there are some seminars. It is always good to have some message behind the experience.
Best wishes in your firewalk.
What is the role of confidence?
December 28, 2010
1 roll of comfidenc to be a more social?
2 how can be valuable for others?
3 goal in small unit means?
At last, everyone should have comfident according to there achivments which is truly valuable and dicriminate from others less comfidence is better then ugly. What do you think? Thanx and 'HAPPY NEW YEAR'
Vinod - India (20922)
If you feel confident and sure of yourself, other people can see that. It makes you more attractive to them. However, some people can act over-confident, such that they seem arrogant. That gives a poor impression. You need just the right amount of confidence.
If you have an idea of what other want and can offer it, you will appear to be valuable to them. If someone needs help and you offer to give that help, you are valuable. Often people simply want someone to listen to them and to show them respect. Someone who can provide that is considered valuable to them.
Confidence really comes from acknowledging your achievements, no matter how small they may seem. It builds up from small to big.
Best wishes on success in what you do. I am sure you are on your way.
I'm afraid to make mistakes in English
November 15, 2010
Am always affriad of faceing the crowd. fear of making mistake in my english
MARIAM - Nigeria (20693)
Many people are afraid of speaking to a group, especially if they fear making some sort of mistake. However, you should not take yourself so seriously and be willing to admit occasional mistakes in your English. A good expression to say, when you do make a mistake is, "Forgive me for the mistake. I guess I was speaking to rapidly." No one will think less of you if you admit a mistake as opposed to trying to be perfect.
See our lesson on "Overcome the Fear of Speaking to Groups" at:
Also read the Reader Feedback to see problems others have.
Best wishes in successfully speaking to a group.
Negative self talk affecting career goals
February 12, 2010
I do understand everything about being a champion, but what happen if someone like me who find it hard to choose the career to follow. i have lost it, no longer confident, always talking negetive thoughts towards me, there is this inner person always pulling me down in what everything i m trying to do, low selfesteem.
Askes - South Africa (19205)
Is often difficult for people to find the right career to follow. The best way to find a direction is to take stock in yourself. Make a list of things and activities you really enjoy doing. Also list things that you are good at doing. Include subjects in school where you received a good grade.
This should give you an idea of the type of job that you would enjoy doing and would be to at doing. However, it is sometimes difficult to find a job where you can do the things you enjoy.
A good thing to do is to talk to other people and tell them how you would like to find a job doing these things you enjoy. You may get some good suggestions.
Being critical of yourself either means that you are being unrealistic in seeking perfection or that you have a bad habit in self-criticism. Don't judge yourself. Instead, look towards things you will enjoy doing. If you enjoy it, you are usually good at it, and it will help to gain your confidence.
I hope these ideas help. Best wishes in finding the type of job that will provide enjoyment and a good income.
Help me get more confident in speaking to my class
October 1, 2009
i was wondering if you could help me get more confident i have to stand in front of my class and give a description on a made up project i also have to go into assemblies at some point and talk to year 7's 8's 9's 10's and 11's i find talking to big groups of people very difficult and i need a way to get over this fear please write back asap thank you.
James - UK (18418)
The more you do an activity, the more confident you get with that activity. That is why it is good to practice in a safe environment to build up your confidence. Also, when you do things successfully, give yourself some positive feedback and praise. Say to yourself, "Good job, James." That reinforces things.
When you are going to make a presentation or speech to any group, you must practice it many times. Note that an actor does not go on stage without many rehearsals.
See our lesson on Overcoming the Fear of Speaking to Groups at:
Also, look over the Reader Feedback for more ideas.
Best wishes in successful talks.
Having problems making decisions
July 5, 2009
I am having a huge problem in deciding that a thing is good or bad? I am not able to decide whether i should do it or not.
I don't know its my lack of confidence or what but the fact is I know that I have lost faith in me and also the self-esteem.
Also ,I am not a determined person.I know that I have to do this thing in my life but still I am not doing it and i really really don't know why I am like this...
Please help me out...Please...
Arun - India (17982)
Acknowledge your achievements, even small ones. This reinforces your confidence and esteem. Every time you complete a task, step back and admire your work and tell yourself, "Good job." This will help you remain confident.
When you need to make a decision, you can look at your ability to do the task. But also, you need to look at the consequences of failure. I have always felt that if there is a question about a decision, I have found that in most cases the best route is to take the safe way out.
For example, if you had to make a decision on taking a job, but you weren't sure if it was right for you, the best route to take would be to pass on the opportunity. Of course, you must decide logically, not out of fear for taking a risk.
What if the people around you dont give you support?
July 5, 2009
What if the people around you eg work or family dont give you support?
- UK (17983)
The most important person to give you support is yourself. When you do something well, give yourself praise. Say to yourself, "Good job!" to acknowledge it.
This is difficult to do for some people who don't have much esteem, as well as those who are perfectionists.
If you are proud of what you have done, others may see that in the way you carry yourself. If you are not proud of your work, others will assume it is not good and will not acknowledge it, even if it really is good.
Realize that some families simply don't believe in praising or giving support. Also, at work, if the boss would acknowledge a good job, that would be a bonus, since many just don't do it.
Thus, you can't depend on others to build you up. You have to acknowledge your own achievements. But if someone does praise you or gives you support, simply say, "Thank you. I appreciate that." It will make them feel good too.
Worried about what people say about her
April 3, 2009
hey my name is Nancy. i live in Santa Ana and i barely noticed that i lack self confidence. im always getting worried about what people would say about me. Guys at school make fun of me and i cant handle that. i feel like i am that, that im too skinny and ugly. When my cousins at another school tell off one of my ex friends HER cousin comes up to me and starts telling things and threatening me to jump me. And i get way too scared to even tell her something that if i said something she would kick my butt at that moment. i need to stand up to myself but i cant i seriously need help! Im sick of people stepping on me can you help me out?
nancy - USA (17549)
If you feel you are too skinny and ugly, then it will show in the way you carry yourself and act. Remember than most of the top glamor models are very thin. And also note how they carry themselves with confidence. This is what you need to do.
Why should you worry about what other people say about you? The only reason they might say things about you would be if you acted rude to them. Otherwise, people don't usually pay attention to others.
The guys at school make fun of you, because they can get a reaction from you. If you ignore them and simply walk away, it won't be fun for them. Or you could respond by saying something like, "Are you trying to be a comedian?"
But you really need to build up your esteem and confidence in yourself. Make a list of all the good things about you. Make another list of all the things you are able to do and what you are good in. build those lists, and you will see you have a lot going for you.
When you complete a task or do something, give yourself some praise. Say, "Good job, Nancy!" This reinforces your esteem and confidence.
Also avoid people who are critical, insulting or downers. Who needs them? Try to be around upbeat people, so that you can be like them.
You have what it takes, but it will take a little work to get to the point where you want to be.
Best wishes on becoming a champion to yourself and those who know you.
Is it correct to ask, "Do you firewalk?"
January 29, 2009
Please, I'm a Brazilian, and I'd like to know if it is correct to ask using this construction: "do you firewalk?"
sandra - Brazil (17180)
The "firewalk" is an expression that refers to the experience of walking on hot coals or embers.
If someone is not familiar with the activity, they might be confused if you asked, "Do you firewalk?" It might be better to ask, "Have you ever experienced a firewalk?" And then elaborate on what it is.
Now I understand about walking on hot coals
January 18, 2009
I never believed that walking on coals was a metaphysical accomplishment, but now I have an explanation based in fact. Thank you so much as I have some one to share this with!
rolee - USA (17109)
Overcoming fears and accomplishing something like the firewalk can give you a great feeling. I am glad you found the information useful.
I am suffering from many fears
December 31, 2008
plz help me, i am in deep trouble. i am suffering from a kind of difficulty that i cannot overcome fears. my fears stop me to accomplish my jobs which are assign to me
i left many of my jobs and also my studies just for the fear that i can't do.
i have left my life partner. i now i am in such a serious condition that i wish to be killed.
plz help me plz
Nisar - Pakistan (17028)
Think about what you fear when you are supposed to do tasks that are assigned to you and other aspects in life.
Some people fear failure, because they feel they will be ridiculed if they do not succeed. These people will not complete jobs, because they fear they will fail and do not want to look bad. They will also not take risks.
There are some people who may be such perfectionists that no matter what they do, it will be a failure to them. So, they don't try.
Others fear success. They have a low image of themselves and do not feel they deserve success or achievement. Such a person will often sabotage their own work, so that they will not succeed.
In either case, take a look at the things you have accomplished in your life. Make a list of things you have learned and done--even things that may seem minor. For example, you have learned to use a computer. There are many people who haven't been able to accomplish that. When you list things you have completed and achieved, you can realize that you aren't as fearful as you think. You have talent and the ability to achieve.
But you also need determination to get the things that you want. It takes courage, but if there are things that you want or need, you can overcome all obstacles to get them, even if you were afraid. Don't be a quitter. Set goals and be determined to reach those goals.
I hope these ideas help you overcome your fears and to lead a productive and happy life.
Lost confidence in playing baseball
July 7, 2008
Hi My name is Austin,
I play baseball in college and have played pretty much my whole life. I have always been one of the best hitters around until about 4 years ago i had so much confidence! I would go up to the plate and i knew something good was about to happen it was awesome! Then i went into a "slump" and didnt to so well for a few games and my coach benched me my self confidence dropped dramatically. I have never been able to get the confidence back. No matter how hard i work no matter how hard i try i cant step in the batters box with the same mentality that i used to have. I have the ability to succeed i know its in me i just dont know how to bring it out! Thanks for listening i hope you can help!
Austin - USA (16184)
First of all, you showed several years ago that you had talent and skill in baseball. Although you went in a slump -- which even happens to major-league players -- what the coach did was inexcusable. Instead of helping you work your way out of the slump, he simply destroyed your self-confidence. The coach is the one that should have been benched.
The big problem you have been having is that you are trying too hard and you are focusing on the wrong things. And this is causing you to tighten up within the batters box and not hit the ball properly.
As a solution, start with the basics. Golfer Tiger Woods took of a year from the tour when he realized he had picked up some bad habits, and he saw a video of how his swing was not right. Get someone to videotape you in the batters box and then analyze your swing. You can also have a good baseball coach help you analyze your swing to make sure your fundamentals are correct.
Another thing is to repeatedly visualize yourself swinging at the ball and hitting it. Get a vivid picture in your mind of the pitcher throwing the ball and you swinging and making perfect contact. This type of repeated visualization is used by many professional athletes.
Finally, read the book "Inner Tennis" or "Inner Golf" by Tim Gallwey. Both books go into the "zen" of hitting a ball without trying too hard. It is a very effective approach, especially when in s slump.
I hope these ideas help and you become a great hitter again. Let me know how things turn out.
I want to speak fluently and properly
May 13, 2008
i want to speak fluently and properly. for that i am doing yoga, meditation and visualisation. it is helping me but in extremely slow manner. i want to be confident like my other friends. but because of my stammering problem i am not able to speak fluently. Please help me. i am doing job and 23 years old.Though i dont stammer a lot, but still i want to speak flently and in a confident way.
reena - India (15945)
Speaking fluently and properly requires observation and practice. Yoga, mediation and visualization are good to relax yourself and focus on the task, but they are not substitutes for practice speaking.
People who stutter or stammer require extra concentration to speak clearly. The most important thing is to remember to slow down and try to enunciate your words. If you have something of interest to say and act sure of yourself, then others will listen to you. Sometimes people who stammer need to decide what to say ahead of time.
Do not try to hide the fact that you stammer. Realize that you are at an advantage, because others must pay better attention to you.
A good exercise is to read to yourself aloud. You can record what you say and then listen to see where you can improve. Also, record what fluent people say--perhaps television commentators or public speakers. Then follow along, speaking the same words. This will also help you pronounce words better.
Finally, every time you speak to someone and do well, congratulate yourself. This will help to build your confidence.
Check the following lessons that should help you:
Best wishes in speaking fluently and properly. I know you will do well at it.
Do well for a while and then suddenly do poorly
April 3, 2008
My struggle is with playing a particular instrument. I actually follow the guidelines listed in your mini-article, and have several days of success, where confidence is high and I feel like I can play just about anything. But then I have a bad day where I can't seem to play near what I had the days before. So I try harder, press more, tell myself to just relax, etc. Things don't get any better after an hour and my confidence is shaken for several days-tensing up until things work out somehow. This cycle continues over and over. Any suggestions?
Jim - USA (15646)
The same thing happens with athletes, where they are doing well and then all of a sudden they hit a plateau or just have a bad day. One reason could be that you are getting stale and need a rest. But more often it is becoming too confident and then getting careless.
You know you can do well, so you have the confidence. Don't doubt your abilities. Instead realize that you may have lost your concentration.
Several years ago, golfer Tiger Woods started playing at a lower level. He realized that he had picked up some bad habits, so he hired a golf instructor to help him get back to the basics. When you have a bad day, don't try to press or try too hard. Instead, take a step back and check if you are doing things differently than you had been doing when you where on a roll. Try to visualize your excellent technique to be able to correct things.
But also realize, you might be hitting a plateau where you need to take off a day or so.
I hope these idea help. Best wishes in top performance.
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