by Ron Kurtus
Readers have sent in a total of 206 comments and questions on Excellence issues. They are listed according to date.
You can read them to further your understanding of the subject.
|How do emotions fit in with personality types?||Alessandra Platinum Rule||Finland|
|Starts shivering when speaking to a group||Confidence WBT||India|
|Wants to gain confidence speaking to his class||Confidence WBT||NIGERIA|
|Attended a great Firewalk||Firewalk||Canada|
|Afraid to go out for fear of being beaten up||Confidence||USA|
|Engineer fears doing technical tasks||Confidence||INDIA|
|What are the Marines and their purpose?||Marines||USA|
|Gaining confidence in something I have never done before||Confidence WBT||USA|
|Has problems speaking to a group||Confidence||South Africa|
|I get lazy about exercising every day||Confidence||UK|
|How do I gain confidence in a fight?||Confidence||USA|
|I don't know what my skills are||Confidence WBT||Germany|
|I am shy and worried about my dark complexion||Confidence||India|
|Gets negative feelings before an interview||Confidence||India|
|Nervous about interview for promotion||Confidence||UK|
How do emotions fit in with personality types?
July 12, 2007
But the emotions? And their overall impact?
Koski - Finland (14062)
I think the "Platinum Rule" of doing unto others as they would do unto themselves is more valid than the "Golden Rule", but I'm not sure how Alessandra connects the use of behavior styles with the rule.
These behavior styles relate to inner drives of people, how they relate to others, and their attitude toward tasks. Emotions can come into play if someone wants desperately something, if someone contradicts the person, if there is a failure or lose, or other ways.
For example, the emotions of a Director personality is that the person loves power and control over others. He would get angry if someone refuses to respond to his will.
So, the emotions can be driving forces with these different types, as well as the responses they give.
Starts shivering when speaking to a group
July 11, 2007
my problem is i can't speak to more persons. if i will speak to more persons while i will be shivering. so i want your suggession about this problem.
Sudheer - India (14058)
Take a look at our section on Public Speaking. See "Overcoming the Fear of Speaking to Groups" at:
Also look at the reader feedback for that lesson. I think it will give you some good ideas about being able to speak to more people.
Wants to gain confidence speaking to his class
June 8, 2007
HOW DO I GAIN CONFIDENT.This question has been in my mind all this years.My problem is that each time i make a public speech or intend to,my whole body is covering with fear and my mouth shivering.In my class i could not stand to raise a speech or an motion eventhough i was pointed to raise a mtion/speech on a simple topic which i know very well i could not talk . i will rather be shame. could one lives in this state and expact prosperity,popularity amongst people. my question is HOW DO I DEVELOP COURAGE AND CONFIDENT. and to overcome fear. Above all, i want to be conqueror of fear.
OKPIKORO - NIGERIA (13897)
The more you practice speaking to a group, the better you get and the greater your confidence. When you talk to your friends, think of things you say as short speeches. If you hold their attention, congratulate yourself in silence. This will help you get used to speaking when you get in front of larger groups, like in class.
If you are giving a formal speech, you must be well prepared and practice it many times. You should practice it a few times in front of friends before you give it to a group. Keep an outline of the speech, so you won't have fears of forgetting.
When you answer questions in class or raise a motion, think in terms of speaking very clearly, so that everyone will understand. You are not trying to impress anyone. You are trying to pass on information that everyone wants to hear. This will give you more confidence, when you know you are simply trying to communicate to them.
I hope these ideas help. Also, see our lessons on Public Speaking at:
Attended a great Firewalk
June 4, 2007
I attended a GREAT Firewalk this past May 07 in Niagara. I believe they are holding another Firewalk in the Fall. It really changed my perspective... I feel as though I can meet any challenge --- and be so much more than I thought possible. Check them out www.innerflame.ca
(1hour from Toronto for the person who was inquiring).
Nat ~ from Niagara
- Canada (13877)
Thanks for the feedback. Yes, it is a great experience. You see those hot embers and think you'll never walk on them. But once you overcome your fears, it ia great.
We'll check the website.
Afraid to go out for fear of being beaten up
May 18, 2007
hello i am trying to build my confidence for going places and getting out of the house, but my fear is that i might get beaten up or something, have you got any tips for me?
aaron - USA (13809)
If you live in a bad area or you simply have fears of someone attacking you, you can gain confidence by discouraging people from beating you up.
One thing you can do is to dress in black. People are often wary of someone who dresses all in black. Another thing you can do is to carry some object that will make a person think twice about causing trouble. Carrying a billy- as it is club will discourage people. My uncle used to carry an umbrella with him at all times, because he had been mugged several times. If some punks came toward him, he would raise the umbrella as if to strike them.
Look at yourself in the mirror before you go out to make sure you appear as someone that will not accept being beaten up.
Although this may help you gain confidence, you also need to consider the threat. Is it a real threat? Are there people who really want to beat you up? Why do they want to do that? You need to take these into consideration.
Best wishes on improving your confidence and courage.
Engineer fears doing technical tasks
May 4, 2007
sir am engineer ...
my problem is that fear doing techinical task
like if anything goes wrong , and so many negative thinking in mind ,
so how to over come this type of fear , due that no confidence on myself
tell me some tips to avoid the fear ..how to get confidence
praveen - INDIA (13696)
With a technical task, you should have requirements or specifications clearly defined. You need to understand the requirements before you can proceed. Most problems come from poorly defined specs.
Then the task should be planned out and broken into small steps or mini-tasks that are easy to complete. Give yourself credit as you complete them and move closer to finishing the project.
If you think of the whole task, it may be overwhelming and cause fear. But looking at the smaller steps, you know they will be easy to complete.
Also, realize that in technology and engineering, sometimes there are failures in tests and tasks. But if you have a good plan, you will have the confidence to overcome such a setback by using a new strategy.
What are the Marines and their purpose?
April 7, 2007
what i need to know is what do marines do what is their purpose.
what is the daily routine of a marine.
and what jobs if any do they have in the marines because all the sites i have checked dont mention a thing
Ronnie - USA (13506)
The U.S. Marines Corps is a special branch of the armed services that takes on the toughest jobs in the battlefield. The daily routine depends on what role or job the person has. You can be anything from an infantryman to a cook to an electronics technician in the Marines. It depends on your training and what you want to pursue.
A good site for information about the Marines is at: http://www.marines.com
More specific information and news is at: http://www.usmc.mil
You could also go to a local recruiting center and get some information on the Corps.
Gaining confidence in something I have never done before
March 13, 2007
Thank you for the rich information on the site. i want to know whwther you can be confident to do something you have never done or have an ideal about it or donnot know how to do it? for example, i have never touch a computer. if i am afriad to touch it because i donnot know what will happen; is that lack of confident?
thank for you rely in advance.
compassion - USA (13361)
Yes, you can become confident in something you have never tried. If you look back at things you have successfully completed that were difficult or that you have never done before, you can realize that you are clever enough and brave enough to overcome other unknowns. In other words, you are not only confident in being able to do a specific task over again, but you realize that you have what it takes to do other things successfully as well.
But another thing to overcome is the fear of the unknown. Some people have a personality where they are more cautious and less apt to take risks. In such a case, a method to use is to ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that could happen if I tried this and failed?" That might give you some perspective on trying things that may be new or fearful.
Has problems speaking to a group
February 19, 2007
I know I am good,I can write good strategy and even present them among people that I know, but as soon as I get to stand up in podium and present my ideas. I start to mumble and then feel anxious to finish and then I don't do a good job. I am never afraid of challenges, everytime there is a huge task to be done I offer myself and do a good job, but I just lack confidence to speak out my ideas eloquently as I put them down on paper or think about them
Letsholo - South Africa (13201)
Is not lack of confidence when speaking to a group, but it is lack of preparation and practice that causes the problems.
See our lessons on overcoming the fear of speaking to a group at:
I get lazy about exercising every day
February 10, 2007
if you feel you just can't carry on for example exercising you exercise for one day then have a break for a day then exercise the next day and then you just can't carry on and then you feel lazy
azeem - UK (13112)
Some say that it is better to exercise every other day, so that your body can recover. Your motivation also gets rejuvenated after a break.
One good reason for exercising is improved health. You should feel you have more energy he next day after exercising.
I like to exercise in a sport or game that is vigorous and is also enjoyable. Then, I look forward to another game.
How do I gain confidence in a fight?
February 9, 2007
i would like to gain confidence in my self in a fight , that i can win a fight and not back off and feel like i'm weak and lose respect for my self
Hamzeh - USA (13107)
A person who has been in a number of fights and has won will usually have confidence in his next fight. Likewise, someone who has studied martial arts will be confident in a fight.
But the big question is: why fight in the first place? If there is an argument, the best route is to seek a compromise. Perhaps there is a misunderstanding. It takes a smarter person to negotiate an argument and avoid a fight, even if he has to give in on some points.
But still, there are people who are just looking for a fight. They like to fight and know they are good at it. They like to pick on others to make them feel small and weak. Sometimes, you are smarter to avoid the fight and let the other person think you are weak. Perhaps you can get your day with the person under other circumstances.
Also, you need to be careful about who you are fighting with. These days, if you win a fight, the person may come back with a gun to try to get revenge. Who wants to get involved with something like that?
I don't know what my skills are
January 31, 2007
HI, thx for the information.
I lack confidence. I dont know what my skills are. Thats why i lack confidence i think.How do i find out what my skills are?
Aron - Germany (13020)
The first place to look are the things you like to do. If you like to do something, you usually have a fair amount of skill in doing it. Fun things take skill. Acknowledge when you are good a such things, even if it is not so outstanding.
Another place to look is at the various things you do. You have a skill in using a computer and the Internet. Do you know how many millions of people--especially older people--do not have a clue about those things?
What about school? If you were able to pass, you must have had study skills and knowledge and skill in those subjects.
If you are looking for a job, you usually combine what you like to do with what training you have, to establish that type of skill.
Do some self-examination, and I am sure you will find that you have all sorts of skills.
I am shy and worried about my dark complexion
January 22, 2007
MY NAME IS DHARMENDRA ANURAG,24 YEARS OLD FROM INDIA.SINCE MY CHILDHOOD, I HAVE BEEN AN UNDERCONFIDENT BOY.WHENEVRE I MEET PEOPLE,I FEEL VERY INSECURE AS UNABLE FOR PROPER EYE CONTACT, THIS PROBLEM GET MORE PROBLAMATIC WHEN I TALK TO FEMALES OR GIRLS. I HAD THE FEELING OF COMPLEX OF MY DARK COMPLEXION. I COMMITT MISTAKES TOO.THIS IS HAMPERING MY PROGRESS A LOT.PLEASE TELL ME ULTIMATE SOLUTION TO OVERCOME THIS PHOBIA. I SHALL B THANKFUL TO U
HELP ME SIR?
dharmendra - India (12939)
Some children are born being shy, while others seem more naturally aggressive. But by the time a person becomes an adult that shyness can be overcome.
Although some people may be prejudiced against a dark complexion, it is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, you can sometimes use it to your advantage. Some women feel that a dark complexion is romantic. What is more important than your complexion is the way you dress and how you carry yourself.
Always dress well and walk tall as if you were self-assured. You may have to remind yourself to do that, but it will also help your confidence.
Make a list of the things that you feel you are good at, as well as your accomplishments -- even the minor ones. This defines who you are, and you will be able to see that you have a lot going for you.
Try to be friendly and to greet people, especially in the morning. This will make you seem more likable, and there is even a sense of power in doing that.
When you talk to girls, do not try to tell a lot about yourself or to brag. Instead, take interest in them. Try to get them to talk about themselves. Women like men who take interest in what they like, as opposed to men that want to only talk about themselves. By getting the woman talk about herself, it takes the pressure off of you in case you feel shy.
Takes a while for you to open up and feel more comfortable with other people. Do not expect results overnight, but work at it a little at a time. Do not get discouraged, but realize you have the potential to become a success and a champion in life.
Gets negative feelings before an interview
January 21, 2007
Hi My Name is Joseph John. Iam 25 yers old guy. Iam working In MNC in Delhi. whenever I go for any Interview that time suddenly negative feeling comes in my mind. Due to this my confidence level is down. Plz tell me How to build confidence.
Joseph - India (12919)
Before you go on a job interview, you should practice the interview with a friend who can ask you tough questions about your background. You also need to prepare short examples of how you have succeeded in various projects you have worked on in previous jobs. This is to show that you can solve problems in this new job.
Practicing being interviewed will prepare you for the real thing. It should give you confidence, because you will know how to answer questions that may be brought up. Being well-prepared for the interview is very important.
Before you meet the person for your interview, visualize the person is being friendly and interested in helping you get the job. This will eliminate negative feelings in your mind before the interview.
Good luck in getting a good job. I'm sure you will be able to succeed.
Nervous about interview for promotion
January 21, 2007
i am going for promotion next week and am really dreading the interview but i am such a confident person in my present workplace, how can i overcome the nerves????
sharon - UK (12923)
You need to do your homework before the interview, as well as some good preparation. Take a look at your resume and update it as if you were applying for a new job. Also, make a list of all the accomplishments you have had on your job that will qualify you for a promotion. Then list some problem areas you may have had, which might come up in the interview.
When you have done this homework, get a friend in to give you a practice interview. In this way you should have the answers to any questions well-rehearsed, such that there will be a minimum of surprises.
Been well-prepared like this will give you more confidence and greatly increase your chances of success. Best wishes on getting the promotion.
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