by Ron Kurtus
Readers have sent in a total of 112 comments and questions on Life issues. They are listed according to date.
You can read them to further your understanding of the subject.
|Feeling down about life||Attitude||Ireland|
|Worked too hard in college and affected health||Ritual||Canada|
|Relationship between gravity and all phenomena||Ritual||iran|
|Relationship between gravity and food intake||Ritual||iran|
|Emotions take over||Emotional||USA|
|Other people do not enjoy me||Relations||Canada|
|I need sex and i have no boyfriend||General||Canada|
|Organizing 5 Powers||General||USA|
|Broke up with girlfriend||Formula||India|
|People put her down for being honest||Game of Life||Russia|
|How can I be successful?||General||Tanzania|
|Seeking a purpose in life||General||Malaysia|
|Depressed with his life||General||Canada|
|Why is good health so important?||Health||USA|
|People call me a loser||General||USA|
Feeling down about life
February 14, 2006
hello! first of all, i appologise for my morfology or punctuation mistakes that i ll pobably make in this article, as English is not my first language.
i am 23 year old and whole my life i had numbers of problems about my personality, about life, parents, friends and all others around me, i guess the main reason is that i couldn t identify myself in right age. now i am 23 and i am lost. i cant think proparly, and the reason of this is that can t recognize what the meaning of life, writing all this i feel like fool and stupid, but it is easier to write then to talk with someone. i don t think i love anyone, it doesn t mean i am evil or doing bad things. but, i have no interest in everyday life, which drives me crazy. i don t see any perspectives in my life, i don t think i can find the job that i want, 'cos i won t be able to do it. i don t know where all these problems come from, probably from childhood. new problem is that i started relationship with men, but i don t think i am gay, it is just becouse it is easier for me to make comunicate with man gay man, more then with women. i have huge complex and i have never had never started relationship with women myself. i think, that what i think is imprortent in life others think that it is stupid. i am so deppresed. i thought about suicide, but then i think about my parents(honestly) i have no reason to lie. they are only ones whom i love. i feel how negative i am for other people, and sometimes i get this "compliment" straight into the face. in fact, i don t live, i just walk, eat and sleap. crying screaming and blaming myself, sometimes i am happy too, but i feel it is not happynes, i belave and hope u have experiances with my kind of people.
on the other hand: i am good looking. i take attention with my outlook, but i can t make conversations.
letter is kind of mess, but main problem is in here.
look forward to hear from you.
many thanks from Dimitri.
Dimitri - Ireland (10078)
The thing to do is to take a step back and take a serious look at your life and where you are going with it. Don't focus on all the problems or doubts you may have, but rather just take a good look at the big picture.
Start by appreciating what you have. Be thankful for your parents. Appreciate the friends and acquaintances you have. Be thankful you live in Ireland. Appreciate all sorts of things that you may take for granted.
What do you like to do? What is fun for you? Make a list of things you enjoy to do, even if they seem trivial. Also list the things you are good at. In what classes in school did you get the best grades? What special skills or talents do you have?
Now put what you like to do and what you are good at together and see if you can find some sort of a job, profession or even hobby you can have that will give you a direction in life. Make your life an adventure. Don't worry about what others think. Find some passion to follow.
What do you know about your friends? Do you really know what they like and want in their lives? A major part of conversation is being able to listen and care about what the other person has to say. Gay men are much better at listening than non-gay men. That may be why you enjoy talking with them more. But also note that you must be good at listening too. That makes conversation much easier. Women love to find a man who will listen to them and are interested in their views and feelings.
Get the focus off of you and your problems and show interest in others. That will result in loosening up your own feelings and personality.
Finally, some of what you are expressing sounds like the symptoms of depression. It might be good to check with a doctor to see if you have a slight chemical imbalance that causes depression. If it is the case, there is medication that can relieve some of the symptoms of hopelessness.
I hope these ideas help and you are able to get on the right track toward a happy and productive life. There is so much to see and do, so don't waste the opportunity.
Worked too hard in college and affected health
January 17, 2006
My worst phase life came in my 2nd term in my undergraduate career when I got confused between dealing with my heavy academic load, choosing my co-op job and managing my finance, now that the term is over I am in much debt, have abdominal and thyroid problems because of overreacting and health problems and eating out of control mostly relying on credit card, all my courses and I feel such a pain in my brain, I am now forced to bring make up stories to cover my back so that my family does not feel ashamed in front of others. Atleast I have a job. It seems like every step that I made this past term was another mistake to God oh and by the way I was wondering why I am still alive with out even having the chance to have a girl friend and most of other people younger than me succeeded in all areas mentioned above and some of them also have girl friends that can relate too? am I being too picky? I vistied a mental doctor also except telling me that I might have bipolar disorder as well he has also prescribed anti deprressants for me to use. I need to know why could I pick and focus my battle and although I know what to do to make others as well me succeed I didn't really do it. The good news is that I still have a kind family and good friends who I can always relate too.
Pooyan - Canada (9713)
Sometimes college students try to do too much and get overloaded with obligations. It is easy to think your are superhuman and can do anything. The lesson learned is finding out your limitations.
What you need to do is to take a few steps back and evaluate your situation and plans for your schooling. Realize that you do not have to finish in record time, especially if you are working and such. Take less credits. Or perhaps even take off a term to get your finances in order and improve your health.
You are fortunate to have a kind family and good friends as a support system. The first thing to do is to tell them you think you overextended yourself the past term and need to reevaluate how you will achieve your goals. You can say that you pushed so hard that it affected your health.
The big thing is to act mature, like you are in control of your destiny. You are just explaining to them that you are reevaluating how you plan to finish school. If you have health problems and financial problems, it will be difficult for you to finish school.
Also, it is unhealthy to be only working and not to have some social life. College is supposed to be fun, besides all the scholarly work that you must do.
You family should not feel ashamed of you. Already you are through your second term. You just need some adjustments and to work at a reasonable pace. And that is what is important. It isn't who finishes first. It is the one who methodically goes about his business to make sure he finishes that counts.
I am sure you will be able to bounce back and do well in school, now that you know how to pace yourself. I wish you the best in succeeding and becoming a champion to your family.
Relationship between gravity and all phenomena
September 30, 2005
i think there is a magic and very lovely relationship between gravity force and all the phenomenons.
if we find out the nature of gravity force then we will have the ability of doing some difficult works and in that case events such as hurricanes could not be so dangerous.
jamalinia - iran (8351)
Yes, gravity is an important factor in our lives. Storms and the movement of air is a result of the power of the Sun, the movement of the Eart and gravity.
Relationship between gravity and food intake
September 29, 2005
how are you thinking about the relationship between gravity force and amount of food that we need and what about the activities?
jamalinia - iran (8344)
A person that has more weight is affected by gravity, finding it more difficult to walk than a lighter weight person. Thus he or she will need to eat more food to have the energy to move around.
Emotions take over
July 9, 2005
Whomever this may concern,
I know that this isn't a clinic (been there, done that), but I would like to know if you have any suggestions. I am a sixteen year old female with quite a few issues at home, witch school, and as of recently with friends.I can definitely say that I let my emotions completely take over. I recognize and agree with the statement posted on your site, " its not what happens to you, its what you do about it", however, being diagnosed with depression really limits my ability. I feel as though there is little hope and that all of my anxiety, fear, and pessimism is ruining the lives of everyone I encounter! I really feel pretty helpless and whenever I look at these kinds of websites, it makes feeling better seem like an extremely easy task, when in reality it isnt. I just would like to know what suggestions you have for people who's lives have sort of already been taken ahold of by emotions
Ashley - USA (7503)
There are a number of factors in play. At age sixteen, you are still going through changes where the emotions can go up and down. For some it is more than in others. Things usually will level out in a few years. Realizing you are more apt to have emotional extremes, you can be aware of the situation and try to catch yourself an control it.
One thing that can help is to spend 10 to 15 minutes a day in silence or meditation. Just relax without any music sounds or activities. Another thing is to write out your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Some do it in a blog, but you normally don't want others to see your private thoughts. You can write in a dialog, as if discussing your feelings with another person. Both of these methods can take some of the inner tensions from you and can help in the control of your emotions.
Depression is a tough problem to solve, because often you don't feel like doing the things that would help you. If you've been diagnosed with depression, you've probably been recommended to take anti-depression medication. Typcially, a person can get control of depression within a year or so, through medication and counseling. But it also takes hard work in changing the way you think.
Part of all of this is the attitude you take toward things. Pessimism does not help you get better or to cope. You've got to try to play it cool and just "go with the flow", as they say.
A philosophy we have is called the Daily Ritual of Champions:
1. First of all, every day you should think of all the blessings you have and then appreciate those blessings. You can give thanks for even the littlest thing. Even look at some problem at school and be thankful it isn't worse. Or maybe it could be an opportunity.
2. Next, take care of yourself and do your best in what you do. Take care of your health. Avoid toxic thoughts. Seek to learn. Do your best. Be courageous.
3. And finally, try to give back. Seek to help others enjoy their lives. This takes the focus off your problems and puts energy toward making things better for others.
By following this philosophy, it can help you overcome your emotional roller-coaster and your depression.
I hope these ideas help. I am sure that since you want to overcome your challenges, you will. Best wishes, and let me know how things turn out.
Other people do not enjoy me
June 23, 2005
First, that was really great. You introduced the most important basic in relationship with others. But I have a question for you. I actually beleive in what you said, and I did tried a lot to reach to this points. But I really do not know why the other people do not enjoy me. They do not call me if they do not have to. I am looking for a way to be found by others as a nice and cool guy. How can I do that. What are the keys?
Thank you in advance,
Alireza - Canada (7346)
If you feel that people do not enjoy you, the first thing to do is to look at yourself and make sure you do not do things that turn people off. Poor hygiene, always interrupting, insulting others, being obnoxious, and being very self-centered are common reasons people don't like others.
Showing interest in what the other people like is very important to getting them to like you. Obviously, you want to find people with similar interests. Even if you're not too interested, it is good to find out something. Some people you may think are real losers often have hidden talents that can be interesting.
Although being interested is important, you also need to be interesting, so that they will remember you. It is a case of knowing who you are and what you like and then presenting it in a way that is not too pushy.
Finally, you need to realize that there are a lot of people who feel the same way you do. Even some that seem to be the life of the party often feel others don't like them or enjoy them.
Be yourself, be interested in others, find those with similar interests, and you should have more friends and acquaintances. Best wishes in becoming a champion with these people.
I need sex and i have no boyfriend
March 21, 2005
i need sex and i have no boyfriend and i can't date till i'm 16 what should i do?
- Canada (6407)
Think of sex as something valuable. This will make it more worthwhile when you are ready for it.
Even if you can't date, that doesn't mean you can have friends who are boys.
It is a tough problem, so I hope this helps a little.
Organizing 5 Powers
February 8, 2005
Would you say the following might be a good summary of your five?
One of my passions is organizing information into familiar orders and concepts.
I don't know if you would consider mentioning an ordering like this, but it might help individuals internalize the messages on this site.
Healthy (Condition of Body, Mind, Spirit, Soul)
Knowledgable (Core state of "Mind")
Honorable(Core state of Character)
Excellent (Quality of Contribution)
... a Champion
Tom - USA (5900)
You are very perceptive in your summary.
Broke up with girlfriend
January 22, 2005
Recently i came across breakoff with my girl friend. In our relationship for last 3 yrs life was really bitter for me. As i have problem trusting her. It was because of some various unwanted situation which i came across. Now everything is finish and i have lost many of my close friend because of this relationship. And the most hurting thing is that everybody is blaming me for this situation. I accept my fault, Honestly telling you my biggest mistake from my side was handling the situation. Now i want to forget my past and want to come back in my life, winning all my lost friends and if possible my ex-girlfriend. Do you have any suggestion for me how can i win what i have lost in past three years.
Prateek - India (5694)
Breaking up with someone you have been going with for a while is difficult. But now it is time to learn from the experience and move in with your life. If your problem trusting her was because of things she did, then it is good you finally parted. But if it was because you were jealous, then that is a trait you must control, or it will ruin other relationships.
It will take time to win back your friends. But you should contact them and apologize for drifting apart. Ask if you can see them again and make amends.
Although it is nice if you can break up with a girlfriend in a friendly manner, it seldom works that way. Someone will always be hurt. Also, being friends with an ex-girlfriend only works if you slowly drifted apart. Be friendly, but do not expect to be friends again.
I hope you will be able to renew your old friendships. It will never be the same, but you can try to get back with them. Also, you can start moving on with your activities and enjoying life again.
People put her down for being honest
January 5, 2005
hi.HOW CAN YOU EXPLAIN THAT MY COUSIN GOT MAN FROM ANOTHER FAMILY HE WAS MARRY, SHE SLEPT WITH SOME MEN WHO MADE HER MANAGER IN THE COMPANY AND SHE MAKES GOOD MONEY. I AM HONEST AND DID MY H.S DIPLOMA AND NOW IN COLLEGE AND STILL DON'T HAVE MONEY. EVERYONE TRY TO PUT ME DOWN BECAUSE I AM POOR AND HONEST. MEN, FAMILY AND OTHERS.
WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT THAT???
EMMA - Russia (5504)
There are people in this world who are corrupt, who steal or who things immoral, and they become rich. Then there are those who are honest and hard working, and they have to struggle. It does not seem fair.
But think if you would want to be the type of person who will do anything for money? Their lives are shallow. They are empty people. Others talk about them behind their backs. Some of them secretly hate themselves.
I would rather be proud of myself and know I am a good person.
There was a story in the news several years ago of a man who found a bag full of money that fell from a bank armored vehicle. He reported finding the money and turned it in. The newspapers said that his friends and neighbors insulted him and called him a fool for not keeping the money. But he said he has his pride as an honest man. I did get a reward from the bank, though.
One thing is that you should not feel envious of those who are making good money and don't deserve it. Wish them well and hope they can sleep at night.
Instead look to yourself and be proud of what you can do. You may be poor in money, but you should not be poor in spirit. With the right attitude, you will become a champion some day.
Do not let other people put you down. They do that to build themselves up at your expense. You do not need such people as friends. You are much better than them.
I hope these ideas help. Best wishes in a productive and happy life.
How can I be successful?
September 11, 2004
There a lot things I wish to know about being successful in life.Can plese help me?
Kaaneli - Tanzania (4230)
Our formula is:
1. Be thankful and appreciate what you have right now.
2. Seek to achieve your goals with the 5 Powers of a Champion. That is to take care of your health, seek knowledge and skills, always do your best, try to be valuable to others, and be honest and courageous.
3. Help other achieve their goals. At the very least, help your family and friends. If you can, help others.
Follow this every day and the rewards will come.
Seeking a purpose in life
June 13, 2004
Hi. THanks for your website. I find it quite good with lots of pointers on how to live like a champion. It seems life is all about being a champion. My question is why? Why should I be one? At this moment after reading your entire website, that question still lingers in my mind. What does being a champion makes one want to be a champion in life? And so what if you are not a champion, are they grave consequences?
My next thing I'd really appreciate your answer is this: I'm someone who is lost in this world with no sense of purpose in life. I've been searching for my purpose on earth, how can I discover this? I think I will be a wanderer until I've finally found that purpose. Also, at this moment, I can't link my purpose in life with being a champion in life. I feel its not specific enough. Champion in life seems to general. Or is it just a principle to live my life together with my purpose in life?
Please answer every single question of mine. I may sound demanding, but I'm desperate for answers, I just want clear answers.
Zi - Malaysia (3542)
I use the metaphor of being a champion as a way of looking at achieving the goals you want and feeling good about life. Seeking a challenging goal and the celebration of achieving it is a great part of the adventure of life.
It is not so much of being a champion as it is of feeling like one. It is feeling like you could whip the world.
There are people who just get by, have no dreams, and never achieve major goals. Some are satisfied, but many never take advantage of the opportunities around them. These are people who are seldom champions or feel like a champion. But yet, you can't sell people short. Some have different aspirations than others.
I have a page on the Daily Ritual of a Champion. This idea can help you in finding your purpose.
The first step is to appreciate what you have, no matter what. Count your blessings. If you are relgious, give thanks to God. Appreciation gives you a better perspective on life.
The next step is to enjoy your life, through taking care of things like your health, knowledge, the way you do things, etc.
The third step is to help others enjoy their lives. And this is very important. This points to a purpose or mission in life. If you are seeking to make the world a better place, to help those in need, or simply to take care of your children and family, you have a solid purpose.
The big thing with such a purpose in life is to find a means according to your own skills and interests. But note that the specifics can change at different points in your life, but the general direction is the same.
I hope these ideas help you in finding your way.
Depressed with his life
June 10, 2004
I'm not really sure how to get out of this rut I'm in. It seems everyday I have to find a different way to make myself feel happy and needed, and it's really hard to get negitive thoughts out of my head. I don't want to be a negative person, but I'm really struggling to turn my life around. I really hate life right now, and I don't like this feeling. I'm a good looking fella, have never had trouble finding girl friends, but havent had a relationship in 2 years. I blame it on a messy break up with my last girl friend who I spilled ALL to, and trust me, I don't spill all. Ever.
I just want to experience life to the fullest and seems I can't make the necessary decisions to make it happen. I am in a dead end job, well maybe not dead end but I really hate it. I work as a telemarketer. I sit at a desk all day and listen to people complain about their bill being too high, or how our company ends up screwing them every month. It's depressing.
I play rugby all summer and it seems to be the only thing that keeps me going. When winter comes and rugby goes I am a mess. I really get depressed and sometimes wonder how I'm I gonna make it like this. Ahhhh. I really don't like whinning, and I don't even know if anyone one is gonna respond to this, but it's all I got right now.
I have a half carved plan to work on a cruise ship after this season. A really good oppertunity to travel and make some money. I'm a little scared to venture out on my own. what if I dont like the people I'm working with, or the people im bunking with, will my emotions take over and interfer with my job? These are the questions I ask myself.
I dropped out of university 2 years ago after taking two attempts at it, I just didnt have the drive to put the necessary effort in to accomplish my goal. Well actually it wasnt MY goal, it was my families. Anyways, I think that's enough. Sorry for the rambling. I don't know why I feel sorry either. I think I just don't like myself...There's a ton more I could spill, but since I'm not paying you as my shrink, I'll stop. I don't expect a response, but you know what? It was half relieving just writing all this out.
So any advise on how to get soemthing out of this mess I call life?
Dougie - Canada (3522)
Breaking up a romance can throw a guy for a loop for a long time. But I think one big problem area is that you are in a job where you are constantly getting negative feedback. (I assume it is some sort of customer service or complaint desk.) Making a career change is probably the best thing to do.
There was a tape series a good 20 years ago called "You can make your life an adventure" by Roger Dawson. He was in his 20s in Great Britain in a dead-end job, when he had a chance to work on a cruise ship. Everyone told him he was foolish to leave the security of his job. He took the chance, traveled and finally ended up in the US with the idea of making his life an adventure instead of a drudgery. He now speaks and trains on business negotiation tactics.
Take a shot. It is a great opportunity to see the world, as well as to get a different perspective on things. Perhaps you will find your niche in a career that you would enjoy and in which you can see a future. Finding something like that would also motivate you to get more education in that area.
As far as rugby goes, why limit yourself to one sport? There are some good games you can play inside in the winter or some outside activities. It will also keep you in shape for rugby.
Why is good health so important?
May 11, 2004
Hi, My name is Jeremy Long and I just had a few questions that I was hoping you could answer for me.
1) Why is endurance so important to the daily life of humans?
2) Why is good health so important?
I am a cyclist so I pretty much understand all this but I would just like a little clearer understanding. Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you soon.
Jeremy - USA (3280)
Good physical health is important, so that you can function effectively. An analogy is that a bicycle is not "healthy" if it has a flat tire. You can still ride it, but not very well.
A person can be disabled and still function with what is left and still be considered healthy. But a sickly or injured person struggles with pain and just doesn't feel like doing things.
A person needs enough endurance to do what is normal for him or her. Some people are so out of shape (or overweight) that they cannot climb a flight of stairs without getting winded.
Of course, a bicyclist would like greater endurance to be able to travel long distances.
People call me a loser
March 29, 2004
I NEED YOUR HELP SO BAD pepole call me loser and i dont know what else to say
help me get new friends too
SHARON LYNN - USA (2860)
Some people will try to build themselves up by tearing others down. They must really hate themselves to be so mean. Don't let them get you down or drag you down. If you can, avoid such people.
Take a look at the things you like and what can do well. Be proud of your abilities. Realize that you have a lot of potential. If you see an area where you might need improvement, you can work on that area.
Don't outwardly try to get new friends. Instead take interest in some of the other kids. If you notice something interesting, ask about it just out of curiosity. The other person may like to tell you about it. You might find some common interest, and that's what friends are all about--that you are interested in similar things.
Just being friendly like that with some of the other kids (not the mean ones) will open the door to getting new friends.
I hope these ideas help.
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